Sunday, October 10, 2010

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

This is a very good article and I am greatly reminded of how marriage is a commitment and that, indeed, it doesn't end where things are starting to go awry. But I think the author misses one very important point here. Although it is quite obvious that the author refers to both husband and wife, it is important to stress that in marriage, it takes two of them to work together in order for both needs to be met.




DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) .

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationship for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationship work. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.


Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"love.

Love is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. You'll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
FW: Ruth Beltran

"Marriage is more than saying I Do. Marriage, like a precious plant, needs constant tending for it to grow, flourish, and bear fruti to last a lifetime, and beyond."
-David and Evelyn Feliciano

6 comments:

meowiefotografie said...

on my failed relationships, the success comes out from them..because I have learned to be a better wife to my husband now than i was before. Its just unfortunate of how I had to endure such tremendous struggles and sacrifices just to get through this stage of pure happiness and satisfaction in my life but I never did regret knowing that I am now settled and found the one and made the right decision to have someone to grow old with...in or out of love. It is a commitment and thank you Anne for this beautiful reminder.

Anne said...

thanks also for reminding me meow, na tanan nga sakit na ga abot sa aton life, may rason gid. and that they help us become better persons.

mira said...

thanks for sharing this,ann.In a way..i am affirmed of what i percieved and believed of what sustains marriage...when willy and i attended a pre-cana seminar,the retreat master (priest)said, to love your spouse is a daily commitment of loving him/her,it is a decision....and again i am reminded of that.:)

Owen Segovia Bayog said...

There are three things that I asked myself before I got married..1) Is this the face that I want to see everyday that I wake up? 2)Do this person accept me not only for being me but being me with her? 3) Do this person share my hopes, dreams and aspirations in life?

The questions were answered - I married Remilyn Ibrado-Bayog

Happy Thoughts everyone!

Owen Segovia Bayog said...

There are three things that I asked myself before I got married..1) Is this the face that I want to see everyday that I wake up? 2)Do this person accept me not only for being me but being me with her? 3) Do this person share my hopes, dreams and aspirations in life?

The questions were answered - I married Remilyn Ibrado-Bayog

Happy Thoughts everyone!

Anne said...

mir, dapat inyo na duha decision. kay indi mayo kung isa lang ang naga decide tapos ang isa ya naga paguyod lang.

owen, happy gid ko ya for you. namian ko nga kita ta ka finally nga super happy gid. ive been thinking actually of writing something about you and what i think of your life now that you have finally fallen in love.