GIRL, INTERRUPTED

The writer, a good friend of mine who is also maintaining her own site here, is a peace advocate and a mental health worker.  She believes that “Mental Health is Peace of Mind.” Mental health is not just the absence of a mental disorder but it is also how a person sees himself, how one makes decisions and how one copes with stress. Everyone should be concerned with mental health. A mental disorder is like any disease that with early intervention, it means recovery or cure. It is an honor be sharing her story here in my blog. 

The story, through my speech in my Toastmasters Club Meeting, is a testimony.

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            A popular and a cute Toastmaster said in her basic speech project no. 9 said, “it’s ok to be crazy.” Many, if not all, agreed.

            Craziness was mentioned as not that bad. One could be crazy for someone, for something or just plain crazy. Statistics show that 1 of every 5 Filipinos suffers some sort of a mental disorder. Many people experience it. Robert Downey Jr. better known as Iron Man is a drug addict. Catherine Zeta Jones is bi-polar.  Princess Diana was bulimic and may even have a personality disorder.

            We established that we should seek a psychologist or psychiatrist when we feel extremely sad, extremely angry, extremely nervous or highly stressed. The earlier the detection of an illness/disorder, the faster the chances of cure and recovery.

            My psychiatrist is Dr. Mae Linda G. Ruiz de Luzuriaga. She  diagnosed me as “clinically depressed” and she prescribed me anti-psychotic drugs. That was in 1998.

            I was Girl, Interrupted for about a year and a half. Girl, Interrupted is a best-selling 1993 memoir by American author Susanna Kayser, relating her experiences as a young woman in a psychiatric hospital in the 1960s after being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

          A movie based on the novel was produced in 1999. Winona Ryder starred as Susanna Kayser and Angelina Jolie as Lisa Rowe, one of her neurotic friends. Both Winona and Angelina were nominated in the Oscars, but only Angelina won the best supporting actress award.

            Like Susanna/Winona as Susanna, I was clinically diagnosed with a mental disorder. Depression. Both of us were GIRLS, Interrupted… because we recovered and our lives became normal again. She wrote a book.  I became a Toastmaster and a wounded healer at the Philippine Mental Health Association. It is said that the best healers are the wounded.

            I was born to a wonderful family. As the youngest child, I was privileged, spoiled and protected by everyone. I had a sheltered life. I was very trusting and loving.

            This love was shared to others including the less privileged and the disadvantaged people. I was (still am) a person for others. I am a peace advocate. I believe that there should be harmony between people and different groups.

            I attended great schools: L’Cole for Nursery, St. Scholastica’s Academy for my elementary education, University of the Philippines in the Visyas for my secondary education and University of St. La Salle for college. I was a student leader and a Balayan volunteer. Balayan, is the community outreach office of the university. I met my first serious boyfriend and future husband in La Salle. We were both Psychology students, student leaders and Balayan volunteers. We shared the same interests but he was a quiet person and I was NOT the quiet person. College life was more meaningful. We worked together with the street children, fisher folks and community workers. We were dubbed as the perfect couple. Other couples would idolize us. They wanted to have a good relationship like ours. After four years in college, I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts major in Psychology degree. He graduated the next year after,  for he took LiaCom, a 5 year course. We were still going strong as we became professionals.

            Then, on February 5, 1996, I immigrated to the United States of America. This will be the first time for us to be separated for a  long time. It was hard for both of us. We were afraid of the long distance relationship but we were sure of our love for each other. Trust was present but not 100%. We religiously wrote each other letters everyday and I called him at least once a week. The internet was not that accessible then. So no email, no Facebook, no Skype, no Twitter. Cellphone and texting were not in the fad yet. We made it and planned our wedding.

            We got married in a civil ceremony on December 28, 1996. The judge was our friend’s father. His family asked permission from mine the night before. After the wedding, we lived at home. Marriage life was like a bed of roses.

            But, alas, I had to go back to California on January 18, 1997 but I was scheduled to come home on November 1997 for the church wedding. We believe our sacrifices will be worth it when we both will live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. We continued the phone calls, the letters and the plans for the church wedding. Life was perfect or so I thought.

            I came home in November 1997 as planned and received the biggest shock of my life. My husband and best friend was having an affair with his secretary since August. The betrayal of trust shattered my world. The spoiled child did not get what she wanted. I was not the no. 1 person in his life anymore. Life was not perfect anymore.

            Slowly, the depression symptoms started. I can’t sleep, I was not hungry, I hated crowds – I just wanted to be alone in my room. I had unexplained sickness. Life wasn’t worth living anymore. I wanted to die.

            Having the best parents in the world saved my life. Being in the medical field, they recognized the symptoms. They asked me if I want to see a psychiatrist. I did not want to give shame to my family by killing myself, so yes, I did see a psychiatrist. Dr. Mae was very nice and patient with me. The medications she prescribed helped. Life was getting better. I slowly accepted the harsh realities of life. 

            God was also good to me. I prayed and prayed that I would get better, that I would be back to my old bubbly self. While I was down and can’t sleep, I listened to the music of the Bukas Palad Ministry (Bukas Palad, are a Catholic Filipino music ministry, inspired by the spirituality of St. Ignatius of Loyola) like Tanging Yaman, One More Gift, I Will Sing Forever and more. The songs calmed me. I was assured of HIS love for me.

            Eventually, after months of therapy and medication, I was ready for the next chapter of my life. I grew up. I learned so many things. I take life as it is. I don’t see things in black and white anyone. Life is full of colors. There is always a rainbow after the storm.

            I went back to the United States of America on June 12, 1999 (13 years ago tomorrow), this time in New York. Some of you heard my speech about my New York life.

            New York helped heal me fully. The fast paced life, the new surroundings, the different people and culture, the cute guys and more cute guys. They were everywhere. I also re-connected with my high school friends in America. I was enjoying life again. I dated, I filed an annulment and was granted after four years. Time flew so fast. I am now standing before you, happier. I found the meaning of life.

Many people don’t know my full story. Usually they are surprised that I have married, got separated and have successfully filed an annulment before I reached 35.

             I can proudly say that “I am a Survivor” – not of cancer but of depression. I am a wounded healer. I can fully empathize and sympathize with PMHA’s clients. I have lived it. One can recover from a mental disorder. I am the living proof.

            Life is again beautiful. We make it beautiful. Of course, I fell in love again and I hope he is right one for me. The one I prayed for. But that is a different story, a different speech.

           

If you or someone you know is suffering from pain or a big crisis, there is hope. Again, I am the proof and I know of others. There is nothing wrong in seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. Forget the stigma. This is for one’s own good. Care for yourself, don’t worry about what others think and say. Loving yourself is the greatest love of all. It worsens if it is not diagnosed early. The worse the disorder, the harder it is to cure or the more difficult it is to recover. Just like other diseases such as diabetes, high blood and so on.

I strongly encourage you to become mental health advocate like me and Dr. Mae. If you see someone suffering, let them see me and I can refer them to someone who can help. You can visit us at the Philippine Mental Health Association (PMHA) Negros Occidental-Bacolod Chapter’s Office at Cottage Road, Brgy. 9, Bacolod City, email us at pmha_bacolod@yahoo.com.ph and visit our FB at https://www.facebook.com/pmha.bacolod.negros.occidental.

·         BASIC SPEECH NO.10- Inspire Your Audience-Given on June 11, 2012