Tuesday, September 20, 2016

dangerous

Bitter or better

badilla

"People, they tend to judge you based on what they know about your past." Recently heard this from someone and it resonated with me right away. Most of the difficulties I've been facing lately are born out of the fact that I have been judged. I made choices in my life, and some these are not really nice choices at least as far as other's principles and beliefs are concerned. Well, the choices I made are mine. I always make a conscious effort not to drag others into my misery. I try as much as I can to take it all in bearing in mind that others have got nothing to do with the consequences of what I do. Bearing in mind most of all that these pains will eventually make be stronger and better and will allow me to be there for others, too, who are broken like me. Who is not broken anyway? Even the ones who had a sheltered childhood, they have in one way or another, some kind of brokenness. My past will not define my future. I am nearing the point of my journey where I can stand tall and proud. I can't wait to say, "I made it." 

worth



Wednesday, August 17, 2016

I am a writer, and I can pin you down with my poetry

stars
I am a writer, you are not. You do not have the eloquence of words, they can only stream from a soul that knows a lot about darkness. All you know is how to bask in the sunlight because in there you feel alive. You're scared of the dark. It reflects your emptiness. You do not have the eloquence of words because your brain is a pack of empty cells that know nothing but to blink here and there, every once in a while. You think you're cool, you think you're awesome, you think you're better than the others because you can "speak your mind" out. Really? What does your mind speak about anyway? Trash, trash, nothing but trash. Because first of all, you don't know yourself. You're forever lost. Your identity depends on who accepts you, for the moment. Because people in your life do not stay. Who can stay with an arrogant, all knowing, lost soul?

You see, this is how a writer fights with someone like you. I have plenty of words that hide behind the well laid out poetry of thoughts and emotions that run around like wild rats in a falling off ceiling. These words are well reserved for you. Go on and feign affection. Go on and fake your smile. Go on and pretend there is happiness in your so-called universe. It will not stay long. It will not be there forever. Because the happiness that you call is a smoke from a burnt pile of dead dreams. No, my dear, they're not star dust.

Different roles, different goals


womanI can't remember the last time I felt whole as a woman. Too many different roles I play everyday somehow affects my capacity to love and take care of myself. The battles I have been fighting -- they seem endless -- took so much of my time. What are these battles anyway? Why do they require so much of me? There are times when they overwhelm me I just find myself breaking down, lost, confused and ever so discouraged. Different roles, different battles, different goals. Why can't life be simple? I am a simple person with very simple needs. I am not hard to please. I cry at a sign of a mother bird crying looking for her lost hatchling. Yet I know all these questionings will never end, as long as I live there are always things to wonder about. I just need to step back every once in a while and look at myself, where I am in the midst of all this. I am my own woman, battles and scars, roles  and goals. Nobody can take away my gifts.  Nobody can cause me to stop giving, to stop being gentle, being kind, nobody can stop be from being beautiful as I am. 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

New Beginnings

Indeed He is a God of new beginnings. I started Kwaderno with a clear motivation to help children in need. I invited someone to work with me in the project and it turned out that she got her own "vision" fort the organization. I must say my own values and principles didn't go well with hers. Malice crept in, lies, made up stories. I kept silent all this time keeping in mind that the Lord sees everything.  But God's vindication came right on time. Who can argue with that.  Now Kwaderno is back in my arms, as it is rightfully mine. But I have to keep in my treasure box, everything about it, photos, receipts, certificates, trophies ... oh yes. Trophies. I know they worked hard for it. But nothing we can do. It's not me who wanted them returned :) 

God's ways are indeed mysterious. Kwaderno had to happen to pave the way for Ambit. And yes, that's where I am heading now. 

I praise and thank the Lord for making us worthy of this Ambit experience, an experience of his love, provision, protection, peace, power and mercy. Last May 13-15 was a great affirmation for me.  It was a joy to behold all the volunteers working with passion and love. I didn't experience this in my previous organization. There was a wedge. Something that you can almost feel blocking us so there was no harmony, there was tension looming. With Ambit there is purity in spirit. Everyone was all smiles, just simply happy to be of service. Salamat sa tanan nga volunteers, donors, all who took part to make this project become a reality. May the Lord take care of all your needs and keep you in his love always. From this month onward, Ambit will take on this road to the people and as a channel of all the blessing God will send them, Ambit is ever more ready!



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Wednesday, May 18, 2016

More bread pls :)



Looks nice and interesting. I am particularly hyped up to try this because there's a potato in the recipe.

Filipino Bread Rolls



They say one of the secrets to successful business is when you know it by heart. I guess I will have to learn basic baking as soon as possible :)

Endless Possibilities


Journey to forever starts now ... life in the farm is the life for me and I can't wait to start it.  

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Good Read

No feeling is final, but each moment is.
Your life happens in a day. The only thing that really exists in a life is a day. If you aren’t present, you’re already half dead. There are no cumulative moments, there are only details, there are only days.
And we waste most of them.
blogWaste most of them buying clothes for another day, working toward goals that we never fully realize. Everything is a means to an elusive and untouchable end, everything is to make a plan for things that will inevitably be rocked off course anyway. We don’t schedule finding the loves of our lives. We don’t anticipate the day we’re going to die. We don’t know these things won’t happen tomorrow, or today, we just assume.
You won’t remember the days, you’ll remember a few moments within the days. The more you’re focused on a hypothetical someday, the more you’ll miss. The less of them you’ll end up with. The less you’ll realize you end with nothing, you just have what you have.
You decide how much that is by how present you choose to be. And yeah, you have a choice. Every second of every moment of every day of every month of every year of every life you choose. You’re choosing right now.
You don’t know that while you’re choosing to stare at your feet wondering and worrying about another issue that will fix itself in a little bit anyway, you’re missing the person who just crossed your literal (and metaphorical) path. You don’t know that this moment is your last moment. You don’t know that it’s not your mom’s or your dad’s or your best friend’s. You don’t know that this afternoon is the first time you make a tiny change that spirals into a revolution.
The point is that if you don’t do it today, you won’t do it ever. The point is that the things you most want can and should begin right now. Time does not change you, you change you. So long as your mindset is ‘wait for tomorrow,’ tomorrow will never come. Things do not get better or worse, your ability to perceive them a certain way does or doesn’t. Life does not change, you do, and as you do, you don’t just get ready for the inevitable, you bring it to light.
The point is that we are born in one day. We die in one day. We meet the loves of our lives in one day. Anything spectacular that’s going to happen is going to happen out of nowhere, unexpectedly, genuinely, perfectly, usually without your planning or messing it up. We get in our way more than anything else does.
All you really have are a succession of todays. Tomorrow is just an idea. It doesn’t exist.

-Anonymous


Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Go crazy now

revenge

I know someone right now who's going crazy watching me enjoy my vindication. Now I will have to watch her reap what she has sown. I didn't have a hand in anything, I mean how it happened, that everything was taken back from her. None of it belonged to her in the first place anyway, right from the start. But she got in, as per invitation, and she started changing everything and taking everything away from me, including my name. Yes she ruined my name. In ways that I never imagined someone I consider to be my family do that to me. I stepped back quietly, never wanting for her to experience my wrath and how capable I am of destroying her. I decided against it, never knowing that for a long time already she was the one who was doing that to me all along. Envy. Tsk tsk tsk. So unimaginable how it can eat up people. Well I wish her well. It's not easy. But I have to. I want to live my life happy without any baggage :)

Depression in men



I've read somewhere that  Men who are depressed may suddenly become irritable and quick to anger. Non-aggressive men may become more aggressive and hostile. Aggressive men may become more aggressive. From an outsider's perspective, at least for those who do not have any background on psychology, it's easy to judge that man here in the video and easy to sympathize on the woman. But from a peacemaker's perspective, I think the man was triggered by this woman who refused to budge. The man only wanted for his wife to have a seat and the woman won't budge so that triggered it. I pity this man, for the possible depression which is not diagnosed. I pity his wife who for sure suffer the consequences, all the bouts and the mood swings. If they have children I pity all the more the children. Mental health is something that always takes the back seat in our societal concerns. But it is the main reason why a society is crumbling. People with depression, mental health, those needing counselling go about their lives day by day without really knowing they need healing. And so they take it all out on people around them.