I have always prayed, begged, asked the Lord to grant you a life of happiness, peace, success, and that he will give you everything your heart desires. It is still my prayer. After all these years, after all these pains, it is still my prayer. I believe that you deserve that and I believe God will grant my prayers. Be happy now. Stop letting the enemy pull you back from which part of your journey you've reached already. All the enemy wants is for those who choose the Lord to choose otherwise. Because he wants all of us to be miserable. Will you keep allowing him to make you miserable? And make others around you miserable? It would be such a sad life if that would be so. You don't deserve a sad, lonely life, do you?