FLOWERS FROM GABRIEL

He went out with Manang Nene and when he spotted this flower, he asked it to be picked, and, as if by reflex, came inside to find me. Nene asked, "Kay sin-o mo na ihatag?" "Nanay nang, Nanay nang (nang means 'lang')," he replied.

He's not fully aware of Mothers' Day and those sort of things yet, but the fact that he already knows what are flowers for, is enough joy for me. Enough love received, to be freely given back.

Reinee has not been around in a number of special occasions already, and though I never resent him for this, I am still most of the time struggling not to be sad. Gabriel is compensating, in more ways than one. Making up for his Tatay's absence, making up for the times he becomes a menace rather than an angel.

My son has taught a lot of lessons already that I always knew I would eventually learn, but didn't know it would be this rewarding. Difficult, yes. Tiring, yes. Exhausting, tripple yes. But the joy that motherhood brings, it's incredible. Far beyond compare. A cliche, but can't think of other words for it.

Each time I marvel at how amusing, entertaining, adorable Gabriel is, I can't help wondering, was I that lovable to Mamang when I was that little? Did I give her that same, simple joy and delights? Did she ever shower me with kisses and gag me with her hugs? I hope I will know. I hope I will have the courage to ask her. I hope both of us will bear the awkwardness of such a question.

And I hope to raise Gabriel, not having to feel awkward each time he says "I love you" to anyone, not having to anticipate rejection when he wants to give someone a hug, not having to wonder is he loved?

I thank God he made me a mother. It made me understand and accept my own mother, appreciate her, love her more. And show it.