Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Reminder to Self

nature sunrise
I will not be a beggar for love anymore, for affection, kindness, approval and the like. I won't be on my 
knees and plead for it. Not even in the most secret recesses of my heart where no one could be watching, no I won't wish for it. Not that I don't need it. Of course I do, who doesn't anyway?  Nor I am having a change of heart about life and everything that it means. I have just come to realize that these things aren't to be given like a coin to a beggar, but they are earned. I have to make myself worthy of these things, without trying hard, without changing myself. How do I expect these things to be given to me when I am not even sure I am also capable of it?Am I capable of love? Affection? Kindness? Am I generous with my encouragements?

So, today, I start with myself and try to do what most of who I know find so hard to do. It is easy to look down on others, notice their flaws, talk about them and deliberately forget if not ignore our own flaws. In minding my own scars, I hope to remember others have scars too. People are bitter not because I'm awesome and I've got what they can only wish for, but because, most of all,  they're not happy  ... and I shouldn't judge that. I, too, am like them.

It's easier said than done. I know that. I'm just keeping a record of my thoughts because it helps to be reminded every once in a while.

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