life in the making

2012-01-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

I need the courage to live a life I deserve, not the life others expect of me...

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that the most common regret is not living a life true to yourself.
	Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect of you. You can start small, but do start honoring at least some of your dreams. Save and publish this message to your wall

'human zoo'?

2012-01-13T00:49:00.000-08:00

This is just plain cruel.

Outrage over 'human zoo' on Indian islands

Rights campaigners and politicians Wednesday condemned a video showing women from a protected and primitive tribe dancing for tourists in exchange for food on India's far-flung Andaman Islands.

British newspaper The Observer released the video showing Jarawa tribal women -- some of them naked -- being lured to dance and sing after a bribe was allegedly paid to a policeman to produce them.

Under Indian laws designed to protect ancient tribal groups susceptible to outside influence and disease, photographing or coming into contact with the Jarawa is illegal.

The tribe, thought to have been among the first people to migrate successfully from Africa to Asia, lives a nomadic existence in the lush, tropical forests of the Andamans in the Bay of Bengal.

India's Tribal Affairs Minister V. Kishore Chandra Deo promised to take action over the incident, terming it "disgusting" on Wednesday, and the home ministry has sought a report.

Survival International, which lobbies on behalf of tribal groups worldwide, said the video showed tourists apparently enjoying "human zoos."

"Quite clearly, some people's attitudes towards tribal peoples haven't moved on a jot. The Jarawa are not circus ponies bound to dance at anyone's bidding," said Stephen Corry, the group's director, in a press release.

In June last year, Survival International accused eight Indian travel companies of running "human safari tours" so tourists could see and photograph the Jarawa.

The London-based lobby group called for tourists to boycott the road used to enter the reserve of the Jarawa tribe, who number just 403 and are in danger of dying out.

The Andaman and Nicobar tropical island chain is home to four other rare tribes -- Onge, the Great Andamanese, the Sentinelese and the Shompens, each numbering fewer than 350 members.

Another tribe called Bo died out in January 2010.

The Andaman police downplayed the video, calling it "old" and blamed the British journalist for forcing the Jarawas to dance for the tourists.

"It is obvious that it is the videographer who is breaking the law of the land and who is inciting the tribals to dance," senior Andaman policeman S.B. Deol said in a statement.

What Are Words

2012-01-04T21:30:00.001-08:00

Most men I know, they would wander and look at other women when they keep saying they love their wives. I have grown resentful of men hearing countless stories of women suffering neglect and emotional if not physical abuse -- all simply because these men say the words they don't mean at all.

Kudos to this great guy. I pray my own son will grow up to be like him.

"Most men feel the need to love a thousand women at the same time. Real men love one woman a thousand times."

2012-01-01T21:34:00.001-08:00

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that most important decisions are not to be made with the mind; they are to be made with the heart.
	So when you have an important decision to make, check in with how you feel, not how you think.

If only I am not inside this cage...

2011-12-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are you not meant for crawling, so don't.
	You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. Save and publish this message to your wall

Everything Japanese

2011-12-02T19:13:00.001-08:00

A few months back I had the privilege to be invited to give a short talk to a small number of Japanese peace advocates. I was to talk about the life of my mentor, Fr Niall O'Brien. In spite of the language barrier, I was delightfully surprised that my talk came out okay. Well, by that I mean, at least I knew I was understood. I boastfully repeated the few Japanese words I know and the one that brought smiles to my Japanese friends was my futile attempt to say "Haji mi Mashite" meaning "nice to meet you". It felt almost providential to be invited to give that talk as I have been brooding, mulling, moping over the possibilities of migrating and starting a new life, being enculturated in this very interesting culture.

By the end of my talk they gave me a couple of presents which I am bringing with me wherever I go these days. I was greatly touched by the gesture as it gave me a sneak peek at the Japanese culture and tradition, the strong yet gentle characteristics of its people.

I didn't imagine I would be having a great time meeting and actually "conversing" with real Japanse. Growing up all I could remember was hearing my history teacher talking about war with the Japanese invader. My own talk has opened my mind to the reality that those stories are definitely water under the bridge and that this group I met proved that with desire for peace and everything that it consists, will prove every possibility for breaking down walls around the world.

Nonviolence is not cowardice

2011-12-01T17:37:00.001-08:00

Whatabout Conflict ?

2011-11-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

Our existence as human beings is continually fueled with the desire to find meaning – in our experiences, in our survival, in our aspirations. In the pursuit of meaning, man explores all possible causes and effects, all possible reasons and answers. He has to see why, to know why, and he actually needs to elaborate it, to actualize it, make it more tangible. There has to be a proof of his discoveries. That’s why legends were born, folklore, traditions. These are proofs of man’s capacity to conceive ideas, to dream, imagine, eventually to invent – stories, plans, technologies. To quote George Eliot, “The world is full of hopeful analogies, and handsome, dubious eggs called possibilities.” These possibilities provide opportunities for man to discover new things everyday, and also probabilities for him to fail.

From these experiences of man, his successes and failures, his realizations and disappointments, despair and hope, histories are being woven. These are man’s cultural history, its laws, religions, norms, standards, tenets. They become landmarks along the road to man’s civilization. They are signposts that would lead to the next bend, to the next curve. History then defines the person, the society, for that matter, and this would attempt to determine its future, to build the character of the people.

However, we are unique individuals, with unique minds. One can look at a flower and say it’s beautiful while the other one can look at it, smell it and say it smells bad anyway. Conflicts are born out of this -- people reacting to different stimulus, different situations, interpret them, name them, make their choice whether to live them out, practice them, or refuse to do so and behave otherwise.

Society’s tenets are supposed to be designed to make people behave in a certain way, this is in the view of bringing about peace and harmony. But because of our individual differences, this doesn’t prove to be plausible. They’re like bandage on the bruise. Nevertheless, I don’t think a society without a commandment is possible.

pondering on my own thoughts...

2011-11-27T21:13:00.000-08:00

Found this in my university journal...

I am basically a loner. I prefer to do things on my own. I don’t like be paired with someone, to be grouped with others. I go to parties but I don’t socialize. Whenever we have visitors at home, I shy away to the bedroom. Or pretend to be busy with some chores.

Our class in Peace Education have compelled me to share a portion of myself, a great portion for that matter, actually. But in a delightful way. I realized, that as a peace educator, I can never stand on my own. I can never learn things on my own, and consequently, I can never teach on my own. So coming to class has grown inside me the persistence to find out more about myself and share it so others may relate, learn, or to simply just develop connections. I have to work hand in hand with my fellow peace educators, if my aim is to build bridges with my students.

I have to believe that I have it in me, the creativity of a peace educator. I used to think I needed to swim across a hundred oceans for me to find it, but attending Peace Ed classes have made me realize, it is inside me. “How much you know is not the only thing that matters. What is more important is knowing where you stand.” My favorite quote from my favorite Masters in Conflict and Reconciliation Studies (MACRS) teacher.

I have learned that Peace Education is not simply a course, not simply an advocacy. But it must be a way of life, it must affect my whole person, so that I create a ripple of peace. By now I haven’t totally achieved these things, but I am an eager learner who is just as eager to share what I am learning.

comforting words

2011-11-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that you weren't created to be a failure.
	Sure some things may not have worked out and there have been some disappointments. But all these things helped guide you in a direction that was meant for you. Your life has purpose and significance. Try to be patient if it isn't all crystal clear just yet. For now, just know that you weren't created to fail.

Just when I needed reassurance the most, God is there to the give it. I have nothing more to say, I am just awestruck at the realization that indeed, all things happen for a reason. My only job is to make sure I don't let despair win me over. Someone sent me this text message last night:

"As long as we are here, we don't really have much choice but to keep up the fight. When we're discouraged, then we turn to God. Its better that way sometimes, so that we don't forget him."

My son doesn't want me to grow old!

2011-11-15T00:40:00.000-08:00

Wrinkle Erasing for Starters I chanced upon this headline and it caught my fancy right away. You see, my five-year-old doesn't want me to grow old and wrinkly. The first time this factual reality was mentioned to him, he was stunned. As in stunned that he just stood there frozen, mouth trembling, nose flaring. After trying to comfort him and dissuade him from his unnecessarily disturbing "thoughts", I asked him "Why don't you want me to grow old?" the reply was hesitant but certain. "Because...because...because... I just want you to be cute and beautiful all the time." Later came his worried, rather frantic queries: "Will you have lines on your forehead? Will your teeth all fall out? Will your hair go white? Will you shrink and stoop?" Ohh what TV commercials can do to my son....

For now, I make him and his fears understood. I bought this gaudy looking jar of an anti-aging, anti-laugh lines, anti drying cream and started applying while Gabriel and I share how our day went. He asked, "What's that you're eating?" I said, "This is my present for you! I bought this so I won't have wrinkles for now." He smiled his very contented, happy smile and gave me a hug.

One day soon, I'll tell him why we all have to grow wrinkly, and that I'd rather use cucumber...

Cinderalla Wannabe

2011-11-03T18:31:00.000-07:00

As a little girl I fell in love with the Cinderella story. Being shy and withdrawn, I was always the one left at home and I would imagine “my” fairy godmother wagging her glittery wand right before my eyes and turning me into a beautiful princess. Any moment soon, my carriage squash will bring me to where my prince would be. We would dance and fall in love and live happily ever after.

I grew up hoping for the happy ever after ending. Somehow, I thought planning things carefully would make it possible me. No boyfriend while still studying, no teenage pregnancy, princess should be deserving enough for the prince…all those silly stuff a Cinderella wannabe could think of.

I lived in a dream world. I’m glad I got to love these fairy tales, if only I didn’t insist myself in these make believe worlds. The happy ever after is something that we all must work on, everyday. It doesn’t just come at a particular moment in time and stay there for good. Life doesn’t end at the last page of a fairytale book. It goes on bringing with it more characters, twisted plots, surprising and sometimes scary climaxes.

But I guess no one is too old enough to learn something new everyday. Oh well, yes, I’m not too old enough to read these fairy tales once again and see which part could I try and fit myself in. I’m sure I would know even better.

Is yours the only path?

2011-10-18T04:32:00.000-07:00

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” -Paulo Coelho

Lately I have come to discover more truths about living and letting others live. I have found out that it takes for someone to commit more and more mistakes to make him become less in words, more in listening. Slow to anger, quick to compassion. It requires for someone to get hurt, really really hurt, to be able to slow down and listen to what life has to say about living. Yes, indeed, we learn the hard way. For some, it only takes to fall and get bruised once to learn the lesson. For others, it takes them a lot of times to fall and get hurt for them to finally learn the lesson. Yet again for others, it takes them their entire lifetime to keep trying to learn the lesson. I cannot know yet which category I fall. But I do accept the fact already, with unfeigned humility, that indeed, I cannot avoid pain all my life. Right now, as much as I grimace even at the thought of it, I am embracing the fact, that it will help me become slow to judging others and quicker to compassion. The world needs more and more of it these days.

2011-10-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's time to start living in the present.
	Letting go of the past is not easy, especially if you have wounds that have never properly healed. But, the past is past and living there may be preventing you from fully experiencing the present. Likewise fear of what may be looming around the corner can also prevent you from fully enjoying the present. Live in the moment and look forward to eternity with God, now that's a great present.

Looking back right now, there are a lot of things in the past that both grieve and delight me. Come to think of it, I am not actually looking back yet. I am still in it and it is a struggle to come out of it and be brave enough to venture into the present that is still very much compromised. I have just turned 36. What treasures have I collected so far ... those were years when I thought I was doing the right thing, when loving was a decision and I lived it like no one else. I didn't ask for anything in return. The only thing I knew was to love and to give and I thought that should defined me.

And so right now I have trouble receiving anything. It is something that I have to learn until I will be ready to face the future and embrace the things that I deserve.

Maliwanag na Bituin

2011-08-27T06:17:00.001-07:00

It's my friend Hannahbanana's birthday today. I want to honor her with a Tag-lish poem, which I have tried doing for the first time. I hope to make her happy by using the language which is closest to her heart. Happy birthday dear Hannah. Cheers to happy days!

Sa maliwanag na bituin
What do you see?
Isa ba o lahat sila’y Iyong pag-aari?
Do you hear music
From their twinkling,
Anong musika ba,
Ang iyong naririnig?
What stories do they tell you?
May kwento nga ba sila?
Are they happy days gone by,
Masasayang araw
sana ay wag mawalay.

These happy stars
shine the most
At night, at midnight, at dawn,
Na kung saan
madilim ang langit.
Where the night
is at its darkest,
Then the stars
could shine their brightest.

Hawakan mo,
maliwanag mong bituin
Hold on to your brightest of dream.
Tomorrow soon you’ll dance
To their twinkling
At maunawaan ang kanilang awitin.
Masasayang araw
Sa iyo’y malapit na.
Kailangan mo lamang
Maniwala.

2011-08-07T23:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the stars
aren't their brightest
Sometimes there's rain
the entire day.
Sometimes the icy wind
means autumn
that keeps the warmth away.
There are times when the sun
is most angry
or the clouds really
just won't go.
Sometimes the spring
blooms about flowers
or the winter with its snow.

All these seasons have their reasons
that your love doesn't know at all.
Though they're many
you won't have any,
from the winter or the fall.
It's the only thing that's constant
the only thing I want.
Your love that doesn't have seasons
and the reasons it won't grant.

Jesus bring the rain

2011-07-22T19:39:00.001-07:00

sharing a laugh

2011-07-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

<a href='http://video.ph.msn.com/watch/video/sexy-webcam-fail/1j7dtvxhf' target='_new' title='Sexy Webcam Fail' >Video: Sexy Webcam Fail</a>

a surprising find in my clutter

2011-06-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning up my files this morning, deleting, sorting, reading ... then I saw an article and wondered where on earth I got it. I couldn't remember reading it before but as I did this morning, it just struck me as something really "heaven sent", like the angels themselves are talking to me directly about something very important.

MESSAGE FROM THE ANGELS

My dear friends, we love you so very much.

We hear your prayers and know your worries dear ones, but if you knew the truth of God's love for you and the reality of life on earth you would never have to worry again. You would trust that wherever you find yourself, all is in perfection. You would know that whatever anyone else is experiencing is exactly what they need at that point for their soul's education. And in releasing your worries you would find boundless energy - for your fears drain the very life force out of you, focus you on negative realities, and prevent you from your natural state of creativity and well being.

Worry is a learned behavior. It is not a natural state of being for the soul. It is taught to you from an early age. You learn that if you care, you will worry. And yet, dear friends nothing could be farther from the truth! To worry about your future is to focus on and therefore lend energy to the very reality you wish to avoid. To worry about another is to focus on a negative reality for their future. Every thought you think, and every word you utter is a prayer. And while none of you would ever consciously pray for the worst for yourself or another, that is exactly what you do each time you send a worry out to the universe. It is a weak prayer, thankfully, but nonetheless a command to the universal intelligence. You do not want to create all you worry about dear ones! You want to create the beautiful dreams you dream with conscious intent.

So what to do when worry arises? Ask yourself, "What if my worry came true? How would I handle it?" Sometimes just looking fear in the face causes it to dissipate. Then say to yourself, "What is the best that can happen?" Allow yourself to envision the best possible solution. Ask yourself also, "What are the facts right now... today?" Remind yourself that you can always handle today. Envision the best for tomorrow.

And above all else, dear ones, when worry arises, say a prayer for the outcome you DO want. Instead of worrying about your children's safety and fearing the worst, pray for the best. Instead of worrying about whether or not you can pay your bills, pray for financial security and plenty of abundance. Instead of worrying about your health or the health of another pray for their well being and vitality. Instead of worrying about Mother Earth, pray for her well-being. In this fashion you become powerful creators for what is good, true, healthy, joyous, and everlasting here upon your earth.

God bless you! We love you so very much.
-- The Angels

IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A NEWS???

2011-06-13T02:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to react to this news, if this is to be called a news at all. So are we supposed to say "Yehey!" because of this P14 increase in wage? A day??? Is that supposed to be an achievement?

Central Luzon wage earners get P14 boost in COLA

Minimum wage earners in Central Luzon will start receiving P14 more per day in their cost of living allowance starting by the end of June, the Department of Labor and Employment said in a statement Monday.

The Central Luzon regional wage board agreed that the impact of higher prices of oil and petroleum products calls for a new wage order, the department said.

Thus, the new rates for non-agriculture minimum wage earners in Bataan, Bulacan, Nueva Ecija, Pampanga, Tarlac and Zambales will be at P330 per day and P322.50 per day for the agriculture sector.

The regional wage boards in Metro Manila and Eastern Visayas earlier approved an additional P22 and P15 COLA for minimum wage earners, also citing oil price increases as a supervening condition for higher allowances.

The new COLA for Metro Manila raised the daily minimum wage to P426
from P404. For Eastern Visayas, the minimum wage increased to P253 from P238. — VS, GMA News

Sometimes the best thing a doctor can do for a patient is to listen

2011-06-10T01:23:00.000-07:00

Sharing here a touching story I read today.

My Unexpected Teacher

DURING MY FIRST seven semesters as a medical student at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, I spent most of my time studying and in classrooms. I rarely spoke with real patients in a hospital setting. Then last year I started visiting the neurology ward at Dr. Sardjito Hospital.

I was gathering data for my thesis, an assessment of the oral contraceptive pill as a risk factor for ischemic strokes. This type of stroke is the most common and it occurs as a result of an obstruction within a blood vessel supplying blood to the brain. At the hospital I would review the medical records of newly admitted stroke patients, then interview them to find out if they were taking the pill. It was a slow process.

One cold, rainy evening last October, I was in the neurology ward desperately “hunting” for the final three patients I needed to complete my study. The records showed that there was a 43-year-old stroke patient, whom I will call Ms A, in the ward.

Holding a patient questionnaire, I walked towards her room. I didn’t see any doctors or nurses; the ward was quiet. Ms A’s dimly lit room had eight beds. I could see dark clouds and heavy raindrops through the window. The familiar “hospital odour” hung in the chill air.

Ms A was lying on bed 4B, clearly still weak as she was still recovering from her recent stroke. There were no relatives or friends with her. Even the bed beside her was empty. I sat down on a chair next to her bed, and in a low voice I introduced myself and asked how she was doing. She softly replied that she was getting better but the left side of her body was still weak. When I told her that I wanted to gather some additional information from her, she agreed.

The questionnaire consisted of three simple yes-or-no questions. After I finished, I prepared to leave so I could go through more medical records. Before I could stand up, Ms A spoke up in her weak voice. “I haven’t seen you here before, doc. Are you new?”

“Not really, Ma’am. It’s just that I don’t come here every day,” I replied. She started making conversation, asking where I was from and why I was working so late in the evening. I was surprised someone in her condition would want to talk.

“Doc, do you think I can get back my normal life?” Ms A asked at one point.

Deep in my heart, I thought, God, I wish I was your doctor so I could answer you properly.

I replied that while I didn’t know much about her case, I could tell her what I had learned about the recovery of stroke patients. Depending on the severity of the stroke, quite a number respond well to rehabilitation. I was reluctant to go into too much detail as I was only a medical student.

Ms A started talking about herself. She told me that she had three children in primary school, who were staying with a neighbour. “My husband died a year ago and I’m the sole breadwinner of my family. We are not rich and my pay as a cleaner is exactly enough for me and my kids.”

I didn’t know what to say. Looking into her eyes, I desperately tried to remember the lessons from a communication skills class I had taken a few years earlier, but my mind was blank. I cursed myself for not paying more attention.

Without realising it, I had begun holding Ms A’s hand. Since I didn’t have anything to say, I just sat quietly while she talked. That’s when it occurred to me that she was not expecting any reply from me. She just wanted me to listen.

The conversation went on like this for about 20 minutes. She shared her difficulties and sufferings, talked about her husband, who was killed in a car accident, and her struggles to earn money. She also expressed her fear about what would become of her children if something bad happened to her. All I did was nod my head as a way of showing my sympathy.

Finally, Ms A stopped talking. “I’m very sorry for keeping you here to listen to my problems, but I feel relieved now. I had no-one to pour out my problems to.”

A single tear fell from the corner of her eye. I stroked her hair and continued to hold her hand. Finally, I knew what to say. “It’s OK, Ma’am. It’s part of my duty.”

“Thank you, doc, thank you so much.”

She let go of my hand. I stood up, covered her with a blanket, waved goodbye and left her alone in her bed. A few days later, when I returned to the ward, I discovered that Ms A had been discharged as her condition had improved, though she would still need rehabilitation.

Ms A taught me one of the most important lessons a doctor can learn. Sometimes patients do not need expensive medicine or state-of-the-art technology. They just need someone with the patience and willingness to lend an ear and spare a little of their time. For me, that is one of the best things a doctor can do for a patient.

MUHAMMAD FAIRUZ BIN ABDULLAH, a 24-year-old Malaysian, has now entered his clinical studies at the Gadjah Mada University Faculty of Medicine. He will complete his medical degree next year.

SOURCE: readers digest asia

Just for laughs

2011-06-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

I really couldn't get over this. Hilarious little devil.

Young Rangers fan places bounty on brother’s head. - yahoo news

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Photo-Young-Rangers-fan-places-bounty-on-brothe?urn=mlb-wp8810

Drink Water on Empty Stomach – Health Benefits of Water Therapy

2011-05-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

I'm on my second day ... *crosses fingers*

It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:

Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all eye diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.

Method of Treatment

1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water.

2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minutes.

3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.

4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours.

5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.

The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.

The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure main diseases:

1. High Blood Pressure – 30 days

2. Gastric – 10 days

3. Diabetes – 30 days

4. Constipation – 10 days

5. Cancer – 180 days

6. TB – 90 days

Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment for only 3 days. In the 1st week to be followed by daily treatment. This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.

Rebecca Goes to Customs

2011-05-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

Whenever I read stories like this I feel like slumping in my chair, out of total frustration. It is like shouting at the top of your lungs, and you're at the bottom of an empty well. You could hardly breathe.

The problem with corruption is a gigantically huge predicament. Just by looking at it you lose all energy already.

As a mother of a 5-year-old boy, I start with him. "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." I cannot say anything more for now. Someone once said to me, "95% of the world's problems is because of lousy parenting." I hope and I keep praying and I keep striving everyday, that as a mother, I bring him up in a way that God wants me.

Better Than A Hallelujah

2011-05-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

This song has affirmed me greatly today. This reminds me how free and omnipotent God's love is. There are times when you get emotionally exhausted and since it almost instantly affects the rest of your vivacity, you just slump in a corner and feel life pass by. I would like to share this song and hope it lifts you up as you read through the lyrics.

Remembering Fr Niall O'Brien

2011-04-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today is his seven death anniversary and with a lump in my throat I remember the priest who showed me so much about life, love and most of all faith.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BFF!

2011-04-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

Let me talk about my best friend today. We’ve been friends since we were 13 years old. Since then, we’ve become inseparable. We never wanted to get married. We wanted to grow old together and become neighbors till we die. That’s how glued we were to each other. Many years have passed and we’ve discovered horizons that tore us apart … life showed us a lot of roads to be taken, a few dreams to be fulfilled, and yet some more failures to be endured.

Along this busy avenue of life, I’m glad I have my best friend. Sometimes when everything else becomes a hopeless blurr, I have her hand to hold ... And then I will be fine.

“A friend hears

the song in my heart

and sings it to me

when my memory fails…”

Here are a few things that might delight her and bring her back to those younger days when our hearts knew nothing but falling stars and a few sad love songs…

Torrents

Betty and Veronica

Letters

Wee-hour talks

Demons

SFC

Tanduay

Annabelle Lee

JS-prom

Cheap unto

Mother Marjorette blues

Haircuts

Layas

Telebabad

Flaunder

Red (oh my gosh)

The list could go on. I’m sure she’s got some on her list, too. I will be here for her forever. And she will be there for me too, like she is is right now while I am at a crossroad of my life. We will be adding up more on our list of memories, and we will forever be silly giggling best friends who could never get over the sadness of a setting sun.

The Meaning of Life

2011-03-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that this world was made for you too.
	Enjoy it, explore it, experience it. Don't hold back. It is God's gift to you. Don't be a wallflower in the dance of life.

I relate this to a poem I pasted on my office wall...

THE MEANING OF LIFE

Be happy
Follow your heart
Find a new perspective
Have a sense of wonder...
Find people you love...
Set goals
Help Others
Dance
Pamper yourself...
Face your fears...
Go to a museum
Exercise
Limit television
Get in touch with nature
Lighten up
Get a good night's sleep
Read books
Buy yourself flowers
Don't compare yourself with others
Don't beat yourself up
Be open to new ideas
Don't focus on negative thoughts...
...Focus on creating what you desire
Make time just to have fun
Keep the romance in your life
Make a gratitude list
Love your Mother Earth
Want what you have
Be true to yourself

Happy Birthday Lermskie!

2011-03-24T19:45:00.000-07:00

I would like to honor a friend as it is her birthday today. Through the years we've known each other and I thought I will never get to see her in a different light. Right now she is officially in my friend's list which says: those who cannot offend me anymore.

Can hope be abundant

in the ephemeral field

of dandelion dreams?

Can dreams ever do come true?

What have you seen so far

in your journey

to never ending sunsets?

Were there a few sunrise along the way?

I want to learn, too, I want to see

I want to find out how it is

To plunge and find out why.

I want to know the meaning

Of every sigh…

Like you do, I am treading along

never knowing why, right away

never knowing why sometimes

some things just cannot stay…

Go ahead now and sigh

the contented, wistful sigh of the ocean.

From the many twilights you’ve seen,

surely there are a hundred dawn breaks

where your soul has been.

JUST BE THERE

2011-03-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

Don't compare your life to others,

you have no idea what their journey is all about.

I read this somewhere the other day and it instantly struck me. There are times when it becomes easy for me to compare my life with the way others live their own life. As a result, most of the time the decisions I make become disastrous.

There are times, too, when someone comes to me for advice, I expect them to do what I would do. Shame on me. Do I really know what they're going through? How do I understand them, anyway? How do I comprehend their pains, enough for me to tell them what to do?

I want to learn how to be there for others. BE THERE. I guess it will be more than enough to let them know I am carrying their cross with them, just like Simon of Cyrene, when he carried the cross for Jesus after he fell.

My favorite lines from this song speak it so well.

"You think the only people who are people
are the people who look and think like you.
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
you'll learn things you never knew, you never knew..."

date a girl who reads

2011-03-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

One of my blog mates, newest one I met across the net recently, posted something that got my afternoon all geared up. Thanks a heap, Omel :)

To all my girl friends who love books, this post is for you. READ. READ. READ. And get a date. Kidding aside, it is such a boost to come across articles that make a lot of sense. And to the sons of Adam, do yourself a favor, and read this.

Date a Girl Who Reads

by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

***

P.S. 1. This article was made in response to the equally poignant article about dating "an illiterate girl."

affirmations

2011-03-12T18:32:00.001-08:00

I get this daily affirmations from FB. Most of the time they speak to me so crystal clearly...

On this day of your life, Nanay, we believe God wants you to know ... that you have to pass through a dark night of the soul.

Everyone does, including you. A time comes when what you have always believed is true melts away underneath you. When you cast in doubt even the most obvious, the most simple. When it seems that dark night is all around, and you are all alone. Take heart, this journey through abyss is the final barrier before your emergence into the heavenly light of a new synthesis of your being. God is waiting for you on the other side.

ON SUICIDE

2011-03-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

I want to share a lengthy discussion on the recent suicide of Angelo Reyes in our forum here.

There so many forms of committing a sin. It has so many faces. Murdering is wrong. Stealing is wrong. Adultery is wrong. Suicide is wrong. We all have something to say about these wrongdoings. We all have something we believe in. As Christians we are called to love one another and as for me, it is something I must keep learning till the day I die.

As for suicide, I have come to this moment of despair in my life, too, just like St Therese and I praise and thank the Lord for rescuing me that night when I almost could not survive in total darkness. I knew how it is to lose hope, to panic, to forget my reason for living. And I knew how it is to feel God's compassion.

God is greater than all these.

Lemon vs Cancer

2011-03-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

Someone emailed me this recently. A bit encouraging and well, it does make sense. Vitamin C helps a lot in boosting immune system.

Lemon is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells
======================
Institute of Health Sciences
819 N. L.L.C. Charles Street
Baltimore, MD 1201.

This is the latest in medicine, effective for cancer!
Lemon (Citrus) is a miraculous product to kill cancer cells. It is 10,000 times stronger than chemotherapy. Why do we not know about that? Because there are laboratories interested in making a synthetic version that will bring them huge profits. You can now help a friend in need by letting him know that lemon juice is beneficial in preventing the disease. Its taste is pleasant and it does not produce the horrific effects of chemotherapy. If you can, plant a lemon tree in your garden or patio. How many people die while this is a closely guarded secret so as not to jeopardize the beneficial multimillionaires large corporations? As you know, the lemon tree is down, does not occupy much space and is known for its varieties of lemons and limes. You can eat the fruit in different ways: you can eat the pulp, juice press, prepare drinks, sorbets, pastries, ... It is credited with many virtues, but the most interesting is the effect it produces on cysts and tumors. This plant is a proven remedy against cancers of all types. Some say it is very useful in all variants of cancer. It is considered also as an anti microbial spectrum against bacterial infections and fungi, effective against internal parasites and worms, it regulates blood pressure which is too high and an antidepressant, combats stress and nervous disorders.
The source of this information is fascinating: it comes from one of the largest drug manufacturers in the world, says that after more than 20 laboratory tests since 1970, the extracts revealed that: It destroys the malignant cells in 12 cancers, including colon, breast, prostate, lung and pancreas ... The compounds of this tree showed 10,000 times better than the product Adriamycin, a drug normally used chemotherapeutic in the world, slowing the growth of cancer cells. And what is even more astonishing: this type of therapy with lemon extract not only destroys malignant cancer cells and does not affect healthy cells.

Institute of Health Sciences
819 N. L.L.C. Cause Street
Baltimore, MD1201

Tagaytay

2011-02-18T17:49:00.001-08:00

Went to attend a meeting in Tagaytay recently. It was such a treat to be in that place finally. Business with pleasure is always a pleasure :)

What does the youth have to say?

2011-02-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

This is the first time that I heard a real stand against abortion from a world famous pop star. I would like to look more on the positive side of his statements, rather than dissect, probe and focus on what is negative. I mean, the fact that he made his stand, it is already an encouragement that our youth of today is heading towards the direction the Church wants them to take. Imagine the millions, even billions of youth looking up to him and listening to what he has to say...

Bieber and Abortion 2.0: A Catholic’s Response

Justin Bieber is undoubtedly one of the world’s biggest pop stars. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Bieber was asked two tough and controversial questions about life.

Abortion: “I really don’t believe in abortion… It’s like killing a baby?”

Rape: “Um. Well, I think that’s really
sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know how that (rape)
would be a reason (for abortion). I guess I haven’t been in that
position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

In an industry where most grown adults would not dare to answer such questions, Justin Bieber takes a clear stand for life. You might think the anti-abortion comment would have polarized him, but it was his response to rape that has caused more controversy. The media and Pro-Life Christian groups have spun Bieber’s comment, accusing him of believing that it’s a part of God’s plan for women to be raped.

That’s not what Justin Bieber believes.

Of course God does not will for a woman to be raped. This goes against who God is. As a result of rape, a woman might become pregnant, but God still moves in these terrible situations and His will can still be known. Our security in God is not based on a situation (rape), it’s based on reconciliation (restoration).

Looking at our Church’s history, we have many individuals who have faced this very situation. Saint Agnes, Saint Lucy, Saint Maria Goretti, Blessed Antonia Mesina, and Blessed Teresa Bracco are all holy women who have faced attempted rape or suffered actual rape. Each one of these women could have blamed God for the terrible injustice they faced, but rather, they sought the security of God’s restoration during their time of trial.

Being in the world but not of the world is hard. Justin Bieber’s admirable stance has been widely misunderstood but if viewed through the lens of a mature, faithful Catholic Christian, Bieber’s belief is clear: we must defend life in all cases even in the most terrible situations. Justin Bieber is a great example of a young person taking a stand for the culture of life.

FINGER PAINTING

2011-02-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

My little artist has tried another way of painting ... such an explorer. I look forward to the day when he can have a one-man show.

Foot Massage for Free

2010-11-24T23:49:00.000-08:00

I was blog hopping today and got inspiration from this article Coping With Depression - A Story.

I had folks coming to me, of course, who wanted to be helpful, and sadly, many of them weren’t. These were the people who would say, ‘Gosh, Parker, why are you sitting in here being depressed? It’s a beautiful day outside. Go, you know, feel the sunshine and smell the flowers.’ And that, of course, leaves a depressed person even more depressed, because while you know intellectually that it’s sunny out and that the flowers are lovely and fragrant, you can’t really feel any of that in your body, which is dead in a sensory way.

There was this one friend who came to me, after asking permission to do so, every afternoon about four o’clock, sat me down in a chair in the living room, took off my shoes and socks and massaged my feet. He hardly ever said anything. He was a Quaker elder. Somehow, he found the one place in my body, namely the soles of my feet, where I could experience some sort of connection to another human being. And the act of massaging just, you know, in a way that I really don’t have words for, kept me connected with the human race.

And it became for me a metaphor of the kind of community we need to extend to people who are suffering in this way, neither invasive of the mystery nor evasive of the suffering but is willing to hold people in a space, a sacred space of relationship, where somehow this person who is on the dark side of the moon can get a little confidence that they can come around to the other side.

- Parker Palmer

The author was able to illustrate really well how I feel about well meaning friends who end up leaving me even more slumped in my tears after our talk. There are days when I just feel so crowded when someone tries to ask me how I am and end up bantering about their own woes. These days are one of those days... I wish someone can offer me a foot massage instead :)

2010-10-14T23:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Day

For Shirley Sirivong, being pregnant has been anything but easy. After being diagnosed with gestational diabetes, complete placenta previa, and incompetent cervix, she was put on bed rest and a strict special diet. In the early months of bed rest, Shirley's "dull" breakfasts were limited to egg whites, wheat bread, peanut butter, and a few fruits and veggies. To liven up Shirley's bland meals, her husband Gat began to create funny faces out of boiled eggs and toast. "After a few days of that," Shirley told us, "they started to become more elaborate scenes."

I was tickled pink when I chanced upon this article on yahoo. I have never experienced such "thoughtfulness" in my life hehe... The creativity reflects the love and attention for the person... Then again we cannot expect life to be complete in just one package for us. While I can only look with envy at these wives, I can try and make these kinds of breakfast myself! Why not? Especially for my picky eater son. Another Dad makes yahoo headlines by making 3D pancakes for his daughter. The idea melts me like butter. I want my son to grow up to be as thoughtful as these cool son of Adam.

2010-10-13T02:14:00.000-07:00

I wish there is a way where words could fly like pigeons in sky. I wish there is a way where I can freely write about anything I want and people will accept me. There is a lot I want to write about. Things that are unseen, hidden from this world of dos and donts. There is a lot that I have seen and I want to talk about them, I just wish I wouldn't be judged for what I feel and think.

I wish I can fly and run freely around the world and everyone else would want the same thing.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

2010-10-10T18:32:00.000-07:00

This is a very good article and I am greatly reminded of how marriage is a commitment and that, indeed, it doesn't end where things are starting to go awry. But I think the author misses one very important point here. Although it is quite obvious that the author refers to both husband and wife, it is important to stress that in marriage, it takes two of them to work together in order for both needs to be met.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) .

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationship for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationship work. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"love.

Love is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. You'll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
FW: Ruth Beltran

"Marriage is more than saying I Do. Marriage, like a precious plant, needs constant tending for it to grow, flourish, and bear fruti to last a lifetime, and beyond."
-David and Evelyn Feliciano

Girlfriend or Me

2010-10-09T01:58:00.000-07:00

I had this "serious" conversation with my 5-year-old recently. I was asking him what will happen to me when he will already have a girlfriend. With an exaggerated downtrodden look I asked him, "What about me?" he gave me this very reassuring hug and said, "Don't worry Nay, I would still choose you."

"What if it's time for you to marry and have kids?" The reply was, sad for me, certain. "Then there's nothing we can do about that. I would have to choose her."

My Birthday Song

2010-10-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

... and my birthday prayer...

"Take me God.

I am all yours.

Do what you want with me.

To live and to labor

or to suffer and to die:

It is all the same to me.

Just so your will is done in me.

Make me an instrument

for the doing of your work.

Fit me into your plan,

no matter how hard you may have to hit

to hammer me into place. "

Many times I feel so insignificant whenever I think of the vastness of God's coverage, as far as my existence is concerned. Today, I refuse to feel that way. I want to look at it from a different angle. It's overwhelming how special I am to be taken care of a God who's got to take care of the whole universe. When the rest of the world cannot stop for my tears, or for my petty fears, He is there all loving and all knowing, taking care of me in spite of my inconsistencies. I love him, I love him not. I love him, I love him not. I love him.... but mostly not. Most not, because oftentimes my love for the Lord tends to be conditional. Right now it just humbles me to deserve his love still, in the face of those who love me.

Today I just bask in it, and forget about anything else.

Wedding Treat

2010-09-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

I have attended quite a number of weddings already. Most of the time, I would just be sitting there, observing passively, waiting till it was over. Everything would be predictable. Exchanging of rings, vows, kissing of the bride, and of course the eternal photo session. Bride and groom. Bride and groom with priest. Bride and groom with parents of the bride. Bride and groom with parents of the groom. And the looooooong list would go on and on... by the time we reach the wedding reception, I would be too tired, too hungry, and too make-up smeared.

When I was invited to Eric and Fran's wedding, I felt so privileged, like I would always feel being invited by my other friends. I spent almost an entire day looking for a special pair of heels to flounce around, another entire day to look for a wedding gift. And of course another entire day to get dressed. *that one is of course exaggerated*

The wedding was marvelous. Now that is not exaggerated. It was the kind that would make you smile the entire ceremony. I was riveted to my seat observing the lovely couple. When Fran was walking down the aisle, I had tears in my eyes not because I was watching her, but because I was watching Eric watching her. Eric and I are friends way back in college and I didn't want to miss his groom smile for the world. It convinced me that indeed, Fran was the most beautiful woman in the world and that indeed, he is one lucky guy to be hitched.

They exchanged wedding vows at the latter part, just before Eric kissed the bride, which made the promises even more meaningful. It was nothing short of extraordinary, the way they said their vows. With Eric admitting to Fran that she was actually his knight in shining armor, I couldn't help but admire him not for the creativity of his vow, but for being so man enough to be so in love and so helpless about it.

At the reception, what struck me was watching the bride and groom eating with much gusto. They enjoyed the food as much as they enjoyed each one of us their visitors. They're so "in there". So "with us". I particularly enjoyed the couple's entrance to the reception hall. With upbeat music, they danced and skipped and laughed their way in to the waiting crowd.

Indeed it was a treat of a lifetime to be at their wedding. It was free, and not stiff. Fun and not rigid. Romantic and not cheesy. That's what they are and they showed just exactly what they've got.

I went home awe-inspired, with a secret wish in my heart for both of them. And for myself.

another good read today

2010-09-21T22:04:00.002-07:00

A friend tagged me to one of his notes recently. It's only this morning that I finally had the few minutes to check it out. I barely have time to check everything everybody posts on Face Book. Reading this note resonates with what I feel regarding FBing too much. For the most part I find too much narcissism in it, all about self-self-self, something which reflects a whole lot of what the world is about today.

Reading this note has refreshed my will to make a difference in my own little, sorry way. It has made me pause and re-evaluate myself and what part I have been playing lately.

Dearest Friend,

It is both in profound gratitude and in slight weariness that I am writing you this letter.

You see, our world has greatly changed. Every single day, my values are
being challenged by television and other sorts of media. I can sometimes
see myself caving in, wanting to have a bite of the morsel offered by
the bohemian society. What we have right now is good. I admit, there is
nothing wrong in change. What I am concerned about, though, is when we
change our established core values to accommodate the fleeting and
dictated trends of false self-imaging. READ MORE

Dying Fairy

2010-09-20T20:28:00.001-07:00

Once in my life I was free to soar, to sing, to shout at the top of my lungs, to think of anything and give life to it like a god growing wings to a worm...I was freer, if not completely free. I didn't have anything to own, nothing to be concerned about, but myself and my endless wanderlust.

Until love made me a slave of many kinds. My hands and feet got tied with ludicrous obsession to please and perverted desire to get hurt over and over...what have become of me? Never in my million imaginings did I ever think pain could be this addictive. I cringe at the thought of myself licking on my own blood and feeling so alive with its taste.

If only I could find a cave in which I could yield and conceal myself from this world. I am too much embarrassment. My existence is a shame to the rest of the dancing elegantly powerful fairies where I used to belong.

I loathe love and anything that it resonates. It's like a cancer that has stricken me, leaving me with no other choice but to lie in my death bed and wait till it finally consumes my flesh to rot.

from where you are

2010-08-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

What does the sun look
like from where you are?
Is it turning red as it sets
and dances in the wind?

From where I am right now
it weeps as it sets,
taking with it a ray
of happy days.
I see it set
a hundred times each day.
But I never see it rise...

How many times
does your sun wake
from where you are?
Does it bring with it
some promise?

I wish we see
that same king
no matter the distance...
it would make my heart
feel less ignorant,
and less alone...

2010-07-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

Damsel in distress

2010-01-23T21:07:00.000-08:00

Distract me.
Veer me away from danger,
My suicide.

Amuse me.
I need to know there’s more
To love than brokenness.

Take me away.
From this downhill.
The ride’s become too scary.

Shift me from this paradigm,
This horrific nightmare.
I want to wake up.

Slow me down.
I’ve been running and running.
Grab me, hold me, tame me.

Take me home.

Love?

2009-12-22T18:56:00.000-08:00

When you say love,
How do you mean it?
Do you mean it by the kisses
you bathe me with,
like a spell of rain?

Do you mean it
by your ‘thousand year thirst’
that I would need to quench?
Do you mean it,
by your ferocious wanting
of me, every inch of me?

When you say love,
what do you see?
What do you ‘really’ see?
A temptress?
A queen?
Or a slave?

What really do you mean by love?
How do you measure it?
Do you measure it at all?
How do you name it?
How do you name me?

Look beyond me.
Look beyond the confident laughter.
the fiendish smile,
the barely breathing arousal.
Look beyond the rebel princess,
who doesn’t seem to want
or need anything.

Look beyond the face
you’re so fixated with.
Then tell me how do you mean,
when you say love…

Closing Cycles

2009-12-02T22:29:00.000-08:00

Sharing a good read from Paulo Coelho...

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

IT'S GONNA MAKE SENSE

2009-11-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

Life comes in many shapes
You think you know what you got

Until it changes

And life will take you high and low
You gotta learn how to walk
And then which way to go

Every choice you make
When you’re lost
Every step you take
Has it’s cause

Chorus:
After you clear your eyes
You’ll see the light
Somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
You’ll feel the sun comes
And though it seems your sorrow never ends
Someday it’s gonna make sense

Tears you she’d are all the same
When you laughed ’till you cried
Or broken down in pain

All the hours you have spent in the past
Worrying about
A thing that didn’t last

Everything you saw
Played a part
In everything you are
In your heart

Chorus:
After you clear your eyes
You’ll see the light
Somewhere in the darkness
After the rain has gone
You’ll feel the sun comes
And though it seems your sorrow never ends
Someday it’s gonna make sense

Release:
Someday you’re gonna find the answers
To all the things you’ve become and all they’ve done
At your expense

SO MUCH IN MY PLATE

2009-11-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

This is what's keeping me tied up these days...graduate school. The pressure just keeps getting higher and higher, motherhood, my career, family, hubby, a lot of other things, and school on Saturdays and Sundays. But the course enriches me a lot, its been providing me with a lot of avenues for learning and growing and discovering. Sharing below my most recent reaction paper on Conflict Transformation.

Roads to Reconciliation

Robert J. Schreiter
Catholic Theological Union

SUMMARY:

Along the road to achieving real peace, a lot of uphill struggle have been taken. The message takes on the intricate details to the path of reconciliation. By explicitly dissecting the three roadmaps, Robert Scheiter is able to identify how each course of action is different from the other, its strengths and weaknesses, and how ultimately, it shall answer the question: Heal the past? Or build the future?

Surely it takes a lot of creativity on the part of the peace makers to bring about a change that is desirable for everybody. Reconciliation as a process and not merely as a goal proves to be such a daunting task, discouraging for others that more often than not, they settle for the quicker, easier solution. There is no doubt that world leaders, peace advocates, and church leaders continue to find ways around injustices, atrocities, senseless deaths, and all the ugliness possible. Conventions and synods alone are encouragement enough. But the question lies on how open are these people to try new possibilities?

The three roadmaps to reconciliation incalculably remind me of Conflict Management (First Roadmap: Reconciliation is about the Human Heart), Conflict Resolution (Roadmap Two: Reconciliation is about Overcoming Injustice), and Conflict Transformation (Roadmap Three: Reconciliation is about Alternative Social Formations). Stepping back a little and looking at these three, it shows how actually simple peacemaking should be, after all. Then again, there are no shortcuts to success. Simple things can be made complicated depending on how we use the tools. It seems to be a very doable formula, if followed thoroughly.

I am highly encouraged about these roadmaps. Each, I believe is as important as the others. The first roadmap personally appeals to me as it focuses on the Christian perspective to attaining peace. “It is reconciled individuals who will make a reconciled society.” It has always been one of my personal philosophies and I have seen it work in cases of interpersonal and intrapersonal conflicts. It is quite surprising though, how it is not enough if what we want is real peace, durable peace, for that matter. In this regard, the illustration of the words “horizontal” reconciliation rather than “vertical” understanding of it, that is, the relationship with God, has expanded my understanding of the said supposition.

To put it simply, if my husband has wronged me, it is not enough that I choose to stay a loving wife and forgive him, seventy seven times seven, as the Bible says. The “victim-centered” approach to reconciliation is same as managing conflict. That is not addressing the real issue. That is not legitimizing any goal of both parties involved in a conflict.

Indeed, that alone, a romantic viewpoint of a peaceful world is not enough. While there are boundless miracles of conversion available in heaven, the world is here and now and as much as it needs good men with good hearts, more of creativity and ingenuity is also direly needed.

The second roadmap resonates with the edict “Rule of law is the bedrock of democratic society”. I used to be fully convicted in my belief that genuine peace cannot be achieved by cleaning up the mountains, that there will always be rebels up there as long as there is not enough distribution of wealth. No peace without justice, as the popular slogan calls out. But true justice, for that matter, is not served by the effort alone of convicting the criminals. What do these people live for, anyway? What do they really want? The atrocities committed endlessly are just the tip of the iceberg. Beneath lies a massive obstruction.

Punitive justice is an attempt to provide temporary relief, like a first-aid treatment to a first degree burn. There is a gnawing social condition to be analyzed. There are needs to be legitimized. The cycle of violence has to stop, if we are to achieve anything, if not everything right away, on the road to reconciliation.

A new world. Who wouldn’t want that? For that to be possible, we need to heal the past so it will not torment us anymore, and so we can move on in building the future. There has to be a new reality where all can co-exist in harmony. If we can combine the seemingly gentle yet uncompromising religious dogmas with the pragmatic tenets of society, why not? All possibilities shouldn’t only be nibbled and spat out. They should be taken in and digested completely so they can nourish like they ought to.

The future is waiting to be conquered. Hope is paramount to apathy, at all times. With apathy comes along fear, all sorts of angst, and juvenile excuses. Reconciliation shouldn’t only be an argument won, or a point well taken. It has to be actualized. And lived.

SLOW ME DOWN

2009-10-22T00:14:00.000-07:00

Lyrics | Emmy Rossum lyrics - Slow Me Down lyrics

DESPONDENT

2009-10-20T00:20:00.001-07:00

There are days

When I just walk away.

When there’s nothing left to say,

I walk away.

Sometimes I stay

Even if I bleed, I stay.

Not because I’m a pain glutton, no.

I stay thinking that would be kinder.

But you see,

I can get tired.

I can get scared.

I can be despondent.

And so I walk away…

In spite of my latent grief

I walk away.

I never run out of questions

Only answers are elusive

And so I walk away.

From the heartache of it all,

I walk away.

Right now I wish

I could go far enough…

HE'S GROWING TOO FAST

2009-08-30T23:24:00.001-07:00

He's recently turned four and keeps claiming he's already eight. He's a trying-hard adult when he talks, raising arguments that almost always amuses those around him. Most of the time they're hilarious. Like one time, I brought him with me to work. My office mate brought him to a store nearby and they passed by a group of young gentlemen playing basketball. This was how the conversation went:

Abe: "I also have basketball at home."
Gentlemen: "Really?"
Abe: "Yes, I play with my Tatay."
Gentlemen: "Oh, so you have basketball ring!"
Abe: "What ring?! Only Saturn and Jupiter have rings!"

He likes hanging out with adults. Whenever kids around the block pass by our house and invite him to play, he would call out to them and say, "You should be home sleeping!"

One night, we were with grannies, on our way to a birthday dinner for my sister. Inside the car, my mother was talking, my sister was talking, he was also talking. He suddenly blurted out in a much louder voice, "You are talking, I am also talking, that can't be possible!"

Indeed there is so much wisdom you get from a child. Many times, he's tamed my raging spirit just by holding me and telling me his sweetest I love yous. There's been a bit of a storm in my life lately and my son has reminded me of Jesus sleeping in the midst of it all. He would sit on my lap, dry the tears in my eyes with his tiny hands and would tell me, "Let me dry your tears...there..it will be okay..." and would embrace me. It's such a wonder how much strength I would muster from his slender, almost skinny arms around my neck.

Just this week, he's been sick again. Eight days of unrelenting fever. One midnight, his temperature soared to 39.6 and it scared the hell out of me. I prayed hard to God, crying out to him all my fears and worries. For the first time in my life, I bargained with my faith. I promised God to give up 'something' really important and special in my life, if only he would let the fever go away, even just for that night. It did go away in an instant. I can't help but think of how one night, I was having terrible stomach pains. We were all alone in the house, with nanny home on a day off. He got so worried that he knelt on the bed and prayed: "Jesus, please heal my Nanay. I promise I will eat more, promise I will finish my milk, poo-poo on the toilet, drink my medicines, sleep early and won't shout at night. I will be a really good boy. Just please heal Nanay" He then turned to me and said "You should be okay by now, because I prayed already. Next time be sure to poo-poo on the toilet so you won't get stomache."

One day soon, he will be a real grownup correcting me like that. I won't mind at all. While I am his mother, I want him to be my best buddy.

Sharing his birthday cake

Batman lovers

I carried him for nine months in my tummy... look how much he's grown! I always go sentimental on his birthday.

THEATRE PERFORMANCE

2009-06-24T00:28:00.000-07:00

(written 10-10-03)

There are times
when I feel like my life
is a theatre piece
where I am stage-managed
like an actor,
and in my struggle to stay whole,
I keep performing
with a desperate determination
to finish my part,
without getting booed.
How pathetic, you'd say.
But don't we all experience this,
in this whole malady of life?
There is the reality of pain, fear,
confusion, injustice, and death.
Sometimes, with all the ugliness
around me,
I can't help feeling
that I have become too ugly
to believe in a God
who makes monsters like me --
devoid of love, of faith, of hope.
It's not the "Me" anymore,
it's the "Long Lost Me".
And how do I salvage myself
from this wreckage?
How do I quit theatre performance,
when all I got is a stage,
not a home?

I SAW SOMETHING IN THE SKY

2009-06-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

Try standing at the center of an empty city square. Look up the sky and point a finger as if you saw something. In less than 10 counts you are surely to gather a crowd, all trying to see what you’re looking at.

For me that’s what con-ass is all about. People hear something talking about something and they want to say something about it too. If you are mum about it, like frankly I am, they say you have to know where you stand. “Apathy is useless,” I hear someone say,” we have to unite against it to prevent them from pursuing Cha-Cha. “

Call it apathy. Call it cynicism. Call it mediocrity. I am just done believing our people can stop blaming others for their misfortunes. It’s not that I’m for the present government. I’ve never really fancied any form of leadership in the Philippines. In fact I’ve had my share of protests, taking part in classic political satires, relentlessly believing each president was the wrong one. But come to think of it, even from the time of Makario Sakay and his seemingly seditious activities, to the time of Andres Bonifacio, to Hero Jose Rizal, has something really changed? I was born during Martial Law years. The presidents I grew up with were Marcos, followed by Aquino, then Ramos, Estrada and now Arroyo. Has something really changed?

So what if they pursue constitutional amendment? We didn’t like Martial Law did we? So we cried for democracy. And what did we do with democracy? The powerful few deem it possible to consider another form of government for better change to come about. Of course, like my silly scene at a city square, the majority clamor and the threatening possibility spread like wildfire. We fear that the declaration of Cha-Cha is tantamount to a declaration of war against the people.

Martial Law, Democratic, Semi-Feudalism. Whatever form, whatever style, whoever is up the throne, does it really matter, if the people are the same? Change means nothing if it doesn’t come from the people itself. Cliché but whether we like it or not, it’s true.

Last night I was riding a jeepney. The woman next to me was eating something and right after she just unmindfully threw her trash out of the moving vehicle. I was peeved and shook my head in pure dismay. It’s one of those changes I’m talking about. Discipline. Commonsense. Vigilance. To name a few.

When do we stop talking and start moving? There are always juicy things to talk about. Con-ass is juicy. Halli-Hayden scandal is juicy. Not to mention the infamous Hello Garci tape. Every day we never run out of issues, intrigues, scandals. Once again, think about my silly city square scene. Why else was Edsa I followed by Edsa II and another by failed Edsa III attempt.

I wonder do people really know what they’re fighting for.

ME-TIME

2009-06-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life I made this trip all by myself. Eight hours away from Bacolod. It was way too liberating. I am sharing a few photos for now. Have to catch up with a lot of things at the moment.

"The magnificence
of this supreme search

sustains me in my sufferings.
From these sufferings are born

the many songs of my youth
and I come to realize

that struggles serve to strengthen
the fibers of my soul.

They bring me nearer to beauty,

they bring me closer to God."

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

2009-05-27T23:38:00.000-07:00

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well
as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn
September 1966

LISTEN

2009-05-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

When I ask you to listen to me, it means I needed to be heard. You won't be able to hear me when you're also talking. So when you listen, it means you have to keep quiet.

Quiet. Silence. Idle moments. Sometimes, you also need to listen to those 'uncomfortable' gaps. There are times when I just need you to sit around, with me, for me. Be there for me. Even if I'm not saying anything. And you don't have to say anything, too. If you can't bear my silence then I guess you don't know me enough.

Sometimes I blabber endlessly, sometimes I'm loud, incoherent, even nagging. But that doesn't make up a great fraction of my life. Most of the time, I can't bear loud people. They talk too much, they hardly make a point.

When I ask you to listen to me, it means you don't judge me or blame me for screwing up my life. It simply means I need your compassion and understanding. It means you try to see the person that is me, am I broken? Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I tired? But really you don't have to blame me for being any of those. Just be there for me.

When I ask you to be there for me, you don't have to solve my problem. I will certainly solve it myself. You can suggest things for me, just suggest. Don't impose. Because you are not me. And don't feel bad if I don't choose to do what you suggested. You being there for me is helping me more than enough.

Your presence, your company, your gentleness, is already an encouragement, is already an assurance that you care. Of course you care, I know you do.

I just need you to listen.

HOW MOTHERHOOD CHANGED ME

2009-05-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

at work with my son

Last night my son came up to me and said, "Nay, it's already Mothers Day tomorrow. I should give you a flower." and later went on and said "and you will say thank you and I would say you're welcome!" He went to bed with this funny looking paper he might just have picked up somewhere around the house and a little stick. He said we would make it into a flower. He slept with his 'project' in his hands. Right now, while I am typing away, he is seated beside me with that paper and a pair of scissors waiting patiently for me. After greeting me, he said we should get going and make the flower for me.hahaha my cute little boyfriend.

These are just one of the many things that give meaning to my daily existence as a mother. Life as a working mother hasn't been easy. But I always see to it that my relationship with my son is something that wouldn't get neglected. Thepast months have been quite horrific for me. I could have screwed up my life. I could have thrown in the towel. My son gave me strength to bounce back. His daily i love yous, hugs, and forever cuteness are more than enough to pull me through.

The other day I was taking one of these fun quizzes on FB, What is Your Feminine Philosophy. The result I got was "Womanist".

Feminist doesn't quite fit you. You believe in women's rights, but there is
more to it. You appreciate the roles women play and recognize that this varies
somewhat with cultural background and socio-economic status. Women can be strong and wise. They can be survivors. Men are not the enemy of women, but women can influence men and support and empower men for the betterment of their communities..

I always thought I was feminist. Or maybe I was. This quizz has got me pondering over how being a mother to my son has changed me. How can I keep thinking men as enemies when I have a son who proves me otherwise?

My Dear Gabriel,

You are the wind beneath my wings. Your love teaches me a lot of things: forbearance, patience, humility, ability to hope, above all, faith in God. Because of you, I don't want to give up. I don't want to make stupid decisions. You make me want to decide to be a better person, on a daily basis. There are good days and bad for the two of us, but I praise God for them. They make up such a healthy, beautiful relationship that I am so happy and proud of. I love you with all my heart.

Love,
Nanay

PS: Finish your breakfast before watching Nick Jr.

showing off the flower he and tita dit made

COLOR ME PURPLE

2009-04-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Cat! I hope this is enough to let you know I understand what you're going through right now...If there's enough reason to celebrate, it's YOU!!!

My eyes are shut
My heart is locked
The world right now
Is just too sad to look at
Its wind, to icy to feel
It seeps through me
And I become purple,
I become numb…

Here inside my head
are happy days and sad,
a universe of my
vagrant dreams.
Here, inside, is my own earth
where i become purple,
I become queen...

I stay here for a while
before I go a few more miles.
In this journey
of purple sunsets
and pinkish dawn,
i know I have to make it
on my own...

So I color me purple
I color me strength
I am numb,
I am queen,
I am more than a warrior.
I feel, I cry, I sing
I laugh, I dream.

I am beautiful.
I am purple.

LOST

2009-04-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Tired.

I am
tired.

Of this pain
not my
own.

This should be ours
both of us
not just
me.

Why do I feel lost
here in this maze,
you're not here
with me.
Here.

Lost.
I am.
Where are you?
You said you'd stay
But where are you? Lost?

You
are lost.
Lost like me,
but are you tired?

I
am tired.
Tired and scared,
'cause you are gone.

Gone,
to chase
your own dreams.

Me?
I'm here.
Lost.

CRYING BIRD

2009-04-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Why are you crying? Why have you been crying? Why can’t you stop crying? Where do you get all that sadness? All that mourning and grieving that seem to flow in you forever. Why do you constantly feel so alone, when you’re surrounded with people who dearly love you, admire you and adore you. Why do you need so much? Why do you want so much? Didn’t you once say that happiness is simple? Weren’t you once crazy over butterflies and field of lazy dandelions? How many times did you dance like crazy in the rain? Remember the nights when you laughed at the moon and called it a coward and a fool for hiding in the clouds? You were so full of life, you smiled easily, you laughed at your own foolishness. You were living! Don’t choose to die just because summer is over. And stop grieving over that sunset. It’s just a stupid sun that knows nothing but to rise and fall. You can do so much, you are more than just an audience in the ensemble of stars in the skies. Stop feeling the sadness of the world in your heart, just because there is no more sadness left in you to feel. Get up, open wide your windows, breathe in the fresh air that is lush with the smell of first June rain. That is life, that is what you needed, that is what brought you to paint your own world with bright colors of falling in love and dreaming, laughing, dancing and flying! Come on, dare fly again, there’s still so much to see…

ARE YOU STRONG?

2009-04-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

"Strong people make mistakes like weak people.
The difference is that strong people ADMIT them,
LAUGH and LEARN from them.
That's how they become STRONG."

God brought me you

2009-04-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

Writing this poem for my best friend since high school, Vivian, for her birthday last April 2. Sorry for being late my friend. My first lines start from the moment I stepped into our freshman classroom... up till now, where our life continues to bring us together in our journey. Thank you for all that you are to me. Happy Birthday!

Love, Anne

I walked along, alone

nervous of something new

a traveller, scared one

that I was...

Then God brought me you.

There were flowers to admire

sun who only rose

to set again...

I cried for those.

And you cried along.

I looked for meaning

for a teardrop,

a broken dead branch,

my discoveries were echanting...

You understood them.

And now my journey

has brought me to a whirlwind

of confusion, pain and joy

Everything else becomes

too close to see...

You look at them clearly for me.

You cry with me, for me.

You understand me.

Indeed, God brought me you.

TEMPTRESS

2009-03-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is an answer to my mother goose's request... been trying to write poetry again Mir, so here is one of the recent ones...hope to talk to you soon...

Love me,
hate me
I'm a rose
that blooms
in charm
and deception...

Love me,
hate me
I'll take away
your strength
render you helpless
and reward you
with bliss
that isn't almost
real...

Love me,
hate me
you'll never find out
why...

WORRIED ABOUT YOUR FUTURE?

2009-03-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Father Shay for his incredible mission...

Huge fire balls from massive bush fires engulfed homes and incinerated unfortunate people in South Australia, the result of prolonged drought while massive floods swamped the North Territories. In the Caribbean, massive storms greater than previously experienced created havoc and loss of life and property. Europe and North America have been hit with ice and snowstorms greater than previous years. Climatic extremes are on the increase and they are not a natural occurrence these days unlike 12,000 and half a million years ago. Then climate change came slowly and the earth and plants and animals had time to adapt, change and survive.

Ever since the “Big Bang” and the universe came into being, heat has been at the center of life - and death. Life on earth depends on the sun, a fraction to close and we fry, a fraction more distant and we freeze. In the past, the slight changes in the earth¹s rotation, a tiny tilt of its axis caused the planet to heat up or cool down. That was natural climate change over eons but now human industrial activity has caused a huge increase in global warming by releasing millions of tons of Carbon Dioxide(CO2) and methane into the atmosphere in the last 100 years.

These gases form a blanket around the earth, a transparent one, as if putting the planet into a greenhouse - hence Greenhouse gases. The rays of the sun can penetrate but the resulting heat cannot be reflected back out into space because the gases block its escape. The ice sheet at the North Pole used to be a great reflector but it is melting so fast that even the Polar bears could be wiped out.

Those living in the developed nations consume more and burn more fossil fuel than the all the poor nations combined. However, making the matter worse, India and China have almost equaled the C02 emission rates of North America. We are all responsible for global warming when we buy products that are not Fair-Trade and damage the environment. When the Philippines and Vietnam were targeted as sites for shrimp farms to feed the Japanese market, government officials allowed the dense bushy mangroves to be bulldozed for shrimp ponds. Millions of tons of methane gas was released from the marsh lands and millions of tons of CO2 was released when the bushes were burnt. With the rapid rise in world temperatures, the Siberian and Canadian permafrost is melting and releasing billions of tons of methane, more dense and dangerous than CO2.

Nature creates its own CO2 emissions helped by criminal arsonists. In 2007, in seven days of wildfires, an estimated 8.7 millions tons of CO2 was released making a denser global blanket. The Australian bush fires will add millions of tons more. Wildfires in the USA pump 322 Million tons of Carbon Dioxide every year into the atmosphere. An estimated 145-255 million tons of CO2 are given off by Volcanoes. The planet cant cope and absorb this huge amount, most of the rain forests that absorb CO2 are gone. If this goes on and the amount of CO2 released reaches 3000 gigatones, then that's the tipping point for the Greenland ice sheet, it melts. Oceans rise and coast line and islands sink. I saw a Google picture of Greenland and it looks like a third has melted already. Human consumption and production activities pumps six gigatones of CO2 per year but the planet can only absorb 3 gigatones a year. A gigaton is one billion metric tons. One billion metric tons is what one cubic kilometer(one billion cubic meters) of water weighs. It boggles the mind and almost unimaginable.

Each of us can do something to reduce our carbon footprint and reduce global warming. We can drive less, take the bus, ride a train instead of a plane, turn off unneeded power appliances to reduce energy use, consume less beef. Did you know that one cow gives off 400 liters of methane a day? There are billions of them doing that. Rain forests are being cut to provide pasture, grow corn to feed them. Malaria spreads as mosquitoes thrive in rising temperatures.

In the Philippines, 92 percent of the rain forests have been logged out. We can campaign against deforestation, coal-fired power plants and instead we can join the Preda Fair-Trade tree planting project and lobby for solar, wind and geothermal power generation. We can save the planet and the polar bear and thousands of beautiful species, even ourselves. END

Visit www.preda.org for more related articles.

I CELEBRATE INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY

2009-03-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

"There's a place I know where you can touch a woman for free ... her heart"

Too sleepy to add anything to this tonight. I forgot all about the movie from which I got this line. It was spoken by an old man to a young boy. I was too struck to ever forget this line. I was in high school and it forever changed the way I looked at myself. I have a poem for this quote above, but it's not finished yet. An exact contradiction. Wanted to show the team from Mars how they should be watching their steps. This is Venus's turf. Well, anyway. This is National Women's Day, I remember my feminist side hehe

But then again, I know it's more than that. If only I can be as gentle and at the same time strong like Mary....hmmm...

I'M OVER YOU

2009-03-07T07:52:00.000-08:00

Reposting a poem I wrote a few years back :) Been trying out poetry again to no avail!! urgh....

The hemorrhage stopped,
and wounds healing now,
the beating, normal.

Now I can look at you
straight in the eye,
straight from my heart--
stitches and all.

I may be traumatized
to feel your pride
cut through the flesh.
I may cringe
just from the thought
of you and me in the past.

Such a crime.
But it's all worth it anyway.
You're damned
to be imprisoned
inside your own
ignorant heart.

Life sentence.

OUT OF THE COCOON

2009-02-01T05:49:00.000-08:00

It’s been almost a month since hubby left again not knowing when he would have the chance to come home and see us. For security purposes, they’re not allowed to use their cellphones, which I personally find really retarded. The first week, I was a stone’s throw from losing my wits. Why, what wife wouldn’t lose her mind when she doesn’t have any idea as to her husband’s whereabouts. It’s like walking towards a cliff, backwards. Anyway, this blog isn’t about venting or anything like that. I want to keep my hopes, no matter how frail if not elusive they are most of the time.

Last night he called. They were given an hour break and get in touch with their loved ones through phone. I was blabbering, trying to sound casual as I didn’t want crying bouts to start. He was just listening most of the time, telling me how much he missed me, how wonderful my voice sounded, describing to me how magical the fireflies can look at night. He watches their nightly performance, the best that he can look forward to, at the end of the day. I told him Feb 14 is fast approaching. We will be reaching our 5th year of being married. God knows how much I pray for him to be there on that day. Nevertheless, I got my own plans. Me and my officemates have already booked a private videoke room. I won’t have time to be manic-depressive. I promise.

He was able to give me their exact location. Today we drove to that faraway town, to that primitive sounding barangay, and to where we saw their little makeshift tents erected proudly, but rather grotesquely, at least for me. Papang had a plan. We would pretend something’s wrong with the engine. That would give us at least 10 minutes. And so the engine ‘went dead’ right in front of the camp gate. How marvelous. Anyway, we didn’t see him. I suspected he was trying to hide up on that tower where he said he was assigned as a sniper. Whether he saw us or not, I didn’t think it mattered. It was enough for me that our son saw where his Tatay stays, while he’s away from us. As we drove away, I took two desperate shots. Just to try and capture the moment. In this first photo, Abe’s hand is shown waving. “Babay Tataaaayyy!!!”

It tugs at my heart, of course. Leaves this kind of pang that has become so familiar over the years. But I don’t have any choice but to stay strong, have I? “Nurture strength of spirit for sudden misfortunes” as my present mantra from Desiderata would say.

I praise and thank the Lord for being my pillar, for being a friend who doesn’t get tired of me. After some period of darkness I am out again, wanting to be excited for the happy days.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: our part-time office assistant

2009-01-13T23:27:00.001-08:00

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: YOVILLE BUFF

2008-12-30T19:27:00.000-08:00

SNIPPETS OF CHRISTMAS JOY

2008-12-27T19:56:00.000-08:00

Can hardly wait for Christmas Eve

Every Christmas, Lolo Papang makes a special Belen

Lola Mamang and Lolo Papang leading the liturgy

Hubby is sharing his Christmas reflection

Daw la ka nalipay haw?

That's more like it

I wanted hubby and me to really wrap gifts for each other.

Need I say more?

Thank you Lord for the gift of yourself to us. Thank you for making us deserving of your love and salvation. Happy Birthday!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-25T21:55:00.000-08:00

I know we should be posting our Christmas family photo, like everyone else. But I've been meaning to post this poem below as my Christmas gift to my friends. After all, this season is also about inward journey, what do we have inside that the Lord will be happy about? I pray this poem bless you guys, like it did to me.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be careful.
Strive to be happy.

WORLDLESS WEDNESDAY: this is what happens when you leave your son with his grandfather

2008-12-15T22:54:00.000-08:00

STOPPING TO SMELL THE FLOWERS

2008-11-29T20:08:00.000-08:00

Well, not exactly flowers. I'm smelling the sea breeze, for a week.

The world will continue to revolve. Seasons, although they are becoming more and more abnormal, will still come and go. Terrorists will keep planning how to destroy the world. Worldwide economy will struggle as, not quite surprisingly, it should be. Survival of the fittest, indeed.

So I am forcing myself to go on vacation, to try and keep myself as fit as possible. I choose to keeping thinking that this life isn't about any battle. Rather is it about pursuit of happiness and peace that everyone deserves. Everyday there are endless questions, there are endless wondering and wandering, even endless fears for the future, for what is around the bend. And sometimes the answers lie in the simplest things, occasion, moments.

As for me, I often hear them being spoken by the seas...

JUST HERE

2008-11-27T04:03:00.000-08:00

Been hiding in my private blog site. I guess there will always be things better left untold. Sometimes pain for me can mean so itsy bitsy tiny for others, that's when I choose not to share it. A lot of times I am also aware that each of us has got things to do for their own lives. So I'd rather not bother anybody with anything. Or perhaps, as for me, sometimes I just don't want to be bothered.

Amo na gid na ya ang pinaka "Ako" hehehehe.

WORLDLESS WEDNESDAY: My Little Architect

2008-11-11T17:25:00.000-08:00

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: Superman and Tando-Tando

2008-11-04T19:11:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLAYNAAA!!

2008-11-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's my friend Caroline's birthday and I thought of something different for her: Torture her with our younger days back in Brgy Bata. Bwahahaha.

Laying out these photos has brought me back down memory lane, with Caroline, how we met and how together we grew up into adulthood, learning things and letting them mold us and be who we are now.

Caroline and I are an obvious contrast. She's wacky, I'm serious. She's noisy, I'm quiet. She's adventurous, I am cautious. She loves to dance, I hate it. But there was one common denominator: we were both thirsty for the Lord, eager to get to know him and serve him whichever way it would bring us. Remembering our Singles for Christ days is never complete without her in the picture. Why, she was the very first friend I made, being underage and almost not allowed to join the organization. The allowed age was 21 up. She was only 17, and I was turning 19. It was God bringing us together, because we got in!!

Quite recently, she sort of hurt my feelings. And I, well sort of, hurt her back (Bwahahaha). But the things that a cat friend would do to mend our friendship! It humbled me and showed me that no matter how different we are, we have already become part of each other's life, whether we like it or not.

Miss you Car. I miss the way you wanted me, and only me when you were hurting. I miss the sleep over at your house, the jogging at Roselawns, the whole-night talks. No one would tell me such shocking revealations like you did. No one would let me laugh so hard till I cry for mercy. No one would attack our house, break into my mosquito net and shove bibingka down my throat, like you did. I miss that and when you're here, we will eat bibingka till we turn green.

DID YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA?

2008-10-23T00:37:00.000-07:00

I was six years old when I found out the shocking truth. That Santa Claus was a fairy tale :( I wanted so much to see him, catch him putting gifts under our Christmas tree. So I woke up much earlier in the morning, i tiptoed down the stairs only to see our mother, also on her toes, putting goodies under our Christmas tree. I was breathing heavily and I wanted to cry. Instead, I slowly and silently took the steps back to our bedroom. Our three other younger siblings depended their Christmas delight on those Christmas socks and presents galore from Santa. I couldn't just ruin it.

So now, it's time to pass on the torch! lol A friend asked me, if later my son also finds out about the 'shocking truth' what will I do? I keep thinking and thinking about a contingency plan, but I couldn't come up with anything. For now I will just let my Abe be the child that he is supposed to be.

Abe's first Christmas sock

See the obvious delight in his face the first time he woke up to find his Chrismas sock containing goodies? A week later he thought of a brilliant idea. He hang a big plastic bag instead! How hilarious. And before he went to sleep, he shoved in some of his toys in the bag saying, "Para dugangan na lang ni Santa Claus." (So that Santa will only be adding something into it) I told him that he's breaking the tradition, to his feisty protests. Now I think I will have to look for a really big sock.

I never got to talk to my parents about their 'lie'. Nevertheless Santa Claus brought me much delight as a little girl and it's all that matters. Because of it, Christmas became my most favorite season of the year, like most of us. Imagine Jesus Christ being born and we all would have to celebrate and exchange gifts?? I tell the same story to my Gabriel, so that he too, will have something to tell his children someday.

Now, for a contingency plan...

CELEBRATING 33

2008-10-07T20:13:00.000-07:00

Reflecting on the 33 years God has allowed my life, I came up with 33 things I discovered along my journey...

1. Life isn't about choosing the lesser evil. Evil should never be an option.

2. Nothing is indespensable. So I delete my inbox. But print some first :)

3. Friends aren't friends when they don't argue. So I stay away from them.

4. Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. It can spare you from shame.

5. The world will not stop for my tears. I cry, and sometimes I have to cry alone.

6. Laughter isn't the best medicine. Sometimes it gives me abdominal pain :)

7. But laughter keeps me young. So I laugh some more.

8. Learn poetry. You'll be surprised to know you already have it.

9. Dancing in the rain is romantic. But sometimes it gives me colds.

10.Less is more. So the less I blog, the more friends will clamour for it *nyehehe*

11.More is less. The more I talk, the less I'm being heard and understood.

12.I'm living heaven on earth. Gabriel is my little piece of heaven.

13.God loves me enough to stay silent once in a while. That will teach me forbearance.

14.It's okay if someone forgets my birthday. I forget birthdays, too.

15.Hubby can't be around always. Sometimes I have to pee at midnight - alone. So I bought my
'arenola'.

16. Once in a while, money can buy happiness. Plane tickets are expensive.

17. Bedtime stories is my father's greatest gift to me. So I pass it on to Gabriel.

18. The way to my man's heart is through his feet.

19. Saying I love you when you don't really mean it, is almost a blasphemy.

20. When someone gives me advice, I look at how he lives his life. Then I decide if I follow his advice or not.

21. I had to be a mother first before I could truly understand my own mother.

22. Dreaming is believing. How to make it happen is another story.

23. Finish at least one book in 3 months. It will keep you at par with the world.

24. Learn about computers. But keep your typewriter.

25. Share your life story. It will make you immortal.

26. When you promised someone you'll pray for them, mean it.

27. When saying sorry is hard, I don't say it. I do it.

28. Sometimes friends don't have to be frank. Reality does bite.

29. Love is a decision.

30. Also happiness.

31. And faith.

32. I am the captain of my soul. But a captain must have a compass.

33. So God is my compass.

BIRTHDAY

2008-10-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'll let the photos speak for themselves for now...

YOU SHALL NOT MOCK GOD

2008-09-18T01:30:00.000-07:00

Came across this article in our www.misyononline.com/misyonforum Kind of dropped my jaw and left me speechless. I'm reposting this just to share, hoping this will get you guys thinking.

DID YOU KNOW THESE FACTS?

Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death! Make a personal reflection about this...Very interesting, read until the end....

It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):'Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sow, that shall he also reap.

Here are some men and women who mocked God:

John Lennon (Singer):Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said: 'Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him' (1966). Lennon, after saying th at the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil):During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.

Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet): During A show in Canecio ( Rio de Janeiro ), while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:’ God, that's for you.' He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.

The man who built the Titanic: After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: 'Not even God can sink it' The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic. Marilyn Monroe (Actress): She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said: 'I don't need your Jesus'. A week later, she was found dead in her apartment.

Bon Scott (Singer): The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'.On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.

Campinas (IN 2005): In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend...The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: 'My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.'She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here...It's Already Full 'Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact. The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken.

Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer):Said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written. In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and He is still alive.

WOUNDED WARRIOR

2008-09-15T23:07:00.001-07:00

Everything I want to say right now, is in this song...

I need you God. The warrior is wounded.

TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHERGOOSE

2008-09-08T01:50:00.000-07:00

I met Mira at Singles for Christ gathering in 1995. Since then, God assigned her to be my mothergoose. *wide grin*

Up till today, it is a wonderment on my part how she believes I am one of the best. Truly, it humbles me and blesses me to have her as a friend, believing in me and treasuring me like I were a priceless stone. When I think of her, I think of how God is so fond of me.

Back in college, she would often visit me at school, always with something to eat. She would patiently wait for my classes to finish and would just watch me devour whatever food she brought with her. She would smile her sweetest and most content smile watching me eat heartily. And then we would talk the hours away, most of the time it would be me talking and she would listen to me with incredible eagerness. We both love dissecting things that we see, touch, feel, hear. And I guess that's one thing that keeps us glued to each other, up to this day, no matter the distance.

I love her in a way that I cannot put into words. It's not only because she loves me perhaps even more, not only because she's my mothergoose, but because God has put both of us through similar paths to pain and suffering. And because of it, we find meaning in the slightest, tiniest detail of our lives. Mira has got the most profound mind I have ever known. Her words of wisdom is, to me, an oaises in the desert.

Because it's her birthday, I've come up with a little trivia about her.

1. Loves The Carpenters and can sing their songs too well!
2. Petpeeve: noisy, shallow people
3. Donuts will never be donuts without coffee
4. Superb cook. 'superb' meaning the best, amazing, you'll forget your name
5. She was once crazy over the name Luis *naughty grin*
6. She named her daughter after my favorite author Maeve Binchy
7. She named her son after my beloved mentor Fr Niall O'Brien
8. Loves to watch CSI
9. She still memorizes lines from Bugs Bunny
10. She talks to the sunset. Most of the time, it talks back. *sheepeesh grin*

Happy birthday Mir. You have no idea how much I miss you, how much I long for the days when I would run to you and be the child that nobody understands. I always had you to save my day, and I miss that. When I am at my worst, you know too well how to help me bounce back, you got the right words to hush my stubborn heart. You tame me, by letting me go and wander and explore. You argue with me, by agreeing first and listening to what I want to say. 'You are the crowd that sits quiet, listening to me and all the mad sense I make' so goes our favorite song. Thank you, for all that you are to me.

I love this photo. She's a picture of happiness here.

Look at that...so touching. Willy is an amazing dad and husband to Mira
and I thank God for that.

My favorite photo of Niall!! I was laughing too hard at my own caption.

TAGGED BY CAT

2008-09-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

FOUR PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER

1. Pta Taytay beach ... for the breeze and of course sisi
2. The mall ... for movies and whatnot
3. Divisoria (at least whenever I'm in Manila nyehehe)
4. Mambucal mountain resort ... for the sulfur spa

FOUR PEOPLE WHO EMAIL ME REGULARLY

1. Bo Sanchez (nyahahaha)
2. Hannah
3. My Boss
4. Mitzi

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE PLACES TO EAT

1. Kaesei
2. McDo ... for sundae caramel yum yum!!
3. Abboy's
4. Buto't Balat

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE

1. Baguio
2. Boracay
3. Italy
4. Canada

FOUR TV SHOWS I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER

1. I wish Ally McBeal is still alive
2. Alias
3. Pinoy Dream Academy
4. Kyle xy

I don't know who else in my list I can tag. So I tag...EVERYBODY! hehehe tags are fun! A cool getting-to-know-you activity...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH!!

2008-08-27T06:37:00.000-07:00

You have blessed me with good things and plenty
and surrounded my table with friends
their love and their laughter enrich me
together we sing your praise...

When I think of my friend Hannah, it makes me want to sing these lines from Dan Schutte's "All My Days".

I met her through my late boss and mentor Fr Niall O'Brien. Like Fr Niall, she too is a foreigner in love with anything Filipino. She speaks basic Tagalog and so proud of it! A videoke queen, she sings Tagalog classics like a pro! She loves adobo, lechon manok, tinolang bangus. She has an English-Ilonggo Bible, too. Her house has a little museum of all her precious Filipino collections from Philippine flag, to mugs, to statues. Name it, she just might have it! Her favorite hero? Jose Rizal. Her favorite saint? San Lorenzo Ruiz. She named her son Joseph Lorenzo.

Joseph's father is a Filipino hailing from the same town where Fr Niall lived and served for many years. Fr Niall's death brought us closer together as we grieved and reminisced beautiful memories we both were privileged to share with him. It is a gift we both are thankful for.

I am continually amazed at how many times she's helped me through the dark moments of my life, when she too, is struggling to make it through. In a lot of ways, she is a sister, a family who is there for me and with me, no matter the distance. I think God especially sent her to tell me how important and loved I am. Because that's how she makes me feel.

She's visited the Philippines a few times and each visit is never complete without coming to Bacolod to see us. As much as I want to share her photos here, I can't. Like me, she doesn't want to be photographed. hehe So instead I am sharing a photo-video I made for Joseph, for his birthday three week ago. This has made her cry a river already so I'm trying my best to avoid making this little tribute melodramatic.

Happy birthday, dear friend. Thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for spoiling me with books, chocolates, praises, encouragement, prayers, laughter, tears. Thank you for treasuring and loving Abe like your own son, it means so much to me. He will grow up loving Tita Hannah who not only spoils him, too, with books, toys and whatnot, but also draws sharks for him via webcam. It is not by chance that our paths had crossed, but by divine intervention as you call it.

Sometimes it is not easy to keep believing in the midst of tribulation, but with a friend like you, life becomes worth living.

ON LOVE

2008-08-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

"You should never love somebody any more than love yourself, you should never give your whole world to anybody because when they go away they take everything." - J Reyes

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEBANG!

2008-08-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

It's my sister Genevieve's (also popularly known sa Bebang to friends and family) birthday today. This blog is all about the things I am grateful for being her sister, as my way of honoring her.

She sacrificed two years in college just for me. Back then the three of us were in college, not to mention the two others in high school. Food on the table was more important than tuition fee. Our parents said only one can continue college. Bebang said if she stopped, she can look for jobs. I had to keep going because I had the chance to be the school paper editor and if I stopped, I was too shy to look for jobs. She had the chance to be cum laude. But she let it go, just for me. *sniff sniff!*

She joined beauty pageants to earn money for us. She would usually take home food from parties she attended to. One time she woke me up excited to show me my pasalubong, a pair of pearl earings. I didn't even smile because I was annoyed that she had to wake me up for it.

Once it was my birthday. She was broke so her birthday gift to me was she was my 'slave' for the whole day. She cooked, cleaned, washed my clothes.

When Reinee courted me at home for the first time, I went home to find her busy cleaning up. She was too excited for her younger sister's suitor that she even prepared a little snack for us. Sandiya. Nyahaha.

It was her who encouraged me to join activities in school, saying they would be good for me. I complied, on condition that we join together. Even in community activities we were both active, she, having found and lead a youth organization which became known in our place. Those activities have helped me, indeed, to get out of my shell and share myself to others.

I was too unresourceful, so lacking of confidence and guts, too dependent on her financially and who knows what else. But I never heard her complain even once, never did I feel that I was a burden to her, especially when we were in college and living independently from our parents. Instead, she was my number one fan, cheering me on every step of the way...up to this day.

That's inday. The 'most' in many ways.

Most kulit, most thoughtful, most drama queen, most resourceful, most isug, most tralala, most palakaon, most traidora....

Most faithful to God. The one thing that has blessed me in ways I cannot count.

Happy birthday!! mwah mwah mwah!! i lab u to me der to u por eber today ebreting olways. (iya na style)

My Gabriel turns three!!!

2008-08-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

I wake up to pee and find something pinkish in my underwear. I go back to sit on our bed, I close my eyes and say a short prayer of abandonment. This is it. I'm giving birth. I wake hubby up who in an instant gets up and panick a little bit. I am calm though nervous with anticipation.

At the clinic, the contraction becomes more and more intense but still gives me time to breathe, smile and joke around. Until I am brought to delivery room. Forty-five minutes later, Gabriel comes out and cries his first, announcing the great joy that he brings along. It is a miracle. He is a miracle...

Today, my son turns three!!! Like I always do, I wear the very dress I wore when I had him. I bring out the home pregnancy kit that we used when we found out we're pregnant. (and show it to Abe who, in turn asks me curious questions about it) I bring my son with me to work just to make sure I spend the whole 24 hours with him, savoring the joy of being a mother and thanking God for making me deserving to be one. Just how I wish hubby was around to share this day with us.

5:30 am, November 30, 2004. We're pregnant!!

In between contractions...
Because of hubby I was brave more than I had ever thought...

Mother and son in action...

Tonight, as I put him to sleep, his prayer was a song that hushed all the stress of my busy life away. "Papa Jesus tenk yu gid kay gin gaan mo ko laptop (Nanay Dit's bday gift, a toy laptop), gin gaan mo kami higligdaan, tenk yu gid kay may nanay ko kag tatay, kag yaya.Tenk yu kay may kamot kami kg tiil kag may head. Tenk yu gid kay gin gaan mo kami food kag milk. Ay lab yu Papa Jesus.Happy birtday to me." (Papa Jesus, thank you so much for giving me laptop, you gave us bed to sleep on, thank you so much for giving me Mom and Dad and nanny. thank you because we have hands and feet and head.Thank you so much for giving us food and milk. I love you Papa Jesus. Happy birthday to me.)

Three years of being a parent. I'm praying for many more years to be blessed by it.

PS: We celebrated Abe's birthday last weekend to give his tatay a chance to be there, whose work schedule allow him to be home every other day. I share Abe's birthday photos only to friends in my multiply and friendster account.

FRIEND OF PAIN

2008-07-15T00:14:00.000-07:00

Million Miles Away
Joey Albert

I'd love to make you mine
'Cause it's the only way to hold you
In my wild imagination
Still I don't know how
To grab a chance and spend some time in just
A simple conversation

Chorus:
Just give it a try
Though I'm not chasing rainbows in the sky
I wanna hold you in my dreams
And make believe that it's true
Although I know, I know
That it's impossible to do
' Cause you're a star
People love you as you are
You're a million miles away from me

Wish that you were here
'Cause it's illusions everytime you're close to me
And sing me love songs
And it's the only way I could tell the world I love you
Although you're a million miles away
Chorus 2: Just give it a try
Though I'm not chasing rainbows in the sky
I wanna hold you in my dreams
And make believe that it's true
Although I know, I know
That it's impossible to do
'Cause you're a star
You're a star You're a star
You're a million miles away from me

I'm a sucker for sentimental pieces. These days what's helping me cope with stress is learning new chords and singing till I bleed. Interestingly, I feel light and rejuvinated each time. I wonder is that normal at all? I was having migraine attack for almost a week. And what ended it was when I got my guitar and learned Joey Albert's Million Miles Away. I was so happy to learn the song and I played and sang it the whole day, while Abe and I were alone to ourselves.

They say that if you want to stay focused and positive in your life, you have to stop listening to songs that tell of madness. But as for me, it works when I listen to these crap, as others may call it. I don't know if that has something to do with being self-proclaimed manic-depressive, loner, pain-addict. But being like this has allowed me to be a friend to many. And I thank God for it. I thank him for giving me the opportunity to share his love even if that means being constantly broken.

Most of my friends right now are going through difficult situations. Problems and concerns that leave them helpless and in despair. Everday, I listen to them, give them words to hang on to, feel their pain, their anguish, their complaints, even their anger. I stay strong and steadfast for them, but sometimes I fail. Because I, too, got my own cross to carry. I, too, got my own fears. Although that really doesnt keep me from being the peer counsellor that I believe I was made to be. In dissecting other poeple's pain, I get the chance to look deeper into myself, too, and discover hidden strength needed for a lifelong journey.

Very important PS: I really want to get the right chords to this song. I've looked up the internet to no avail. So if by chance you guys happen to come across any hope for me...*wink!wink!wink!*

THE LAUGHTER MY GABRIEL CAN BRING

2008-06-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Tita Dit-Dit is always tripping on my Gabriel. What better past time than playing with him and laughing her throat out of her mouth.

SCHOOL TIME!

2008-06-10T05:04:00.000-07:00

Today was Gabriel's first day in school. Me, hubby, and doting Tita DitDit paraded with the little pupil to school. It was all so surreal. My son is taking his first step to the world. I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. Tita Dit had tears in her eyes and I just managed to hold back mine.

Gabriel enjoyed meeting his classmates for the first time. When I bought his uniform a couple of weeks ago, he insisted on wearing them so he can go to school right away. It was 7pm and he was all set for school. With the degree of his excitement, I didn't have the heart to disappoint him so I tried dissuading him by trying out a bit of declamation. "Your classmates are already asleep!" "Let's wake them up!" goes his very positive reply. "Your teacher is also asleep already!" "No she can't be sleeping, because I'm going to school!" End of this paragraph. Need I say more?

So today, when his teacher said "Okay say good morning to your classmates." He stood up, looked around, searched for me standing at the back, smiled from ear to ear and exclaimed, "Look Naynay! I have classmates! They're awake already!"

He was the only one who kept standing up to approach his teacher and ask things like "Teacher, where is my lunchbox? Teacher, where is my Nanay Dit?" It will take him maybe a month or two before he will finally be able to get the hang of it all. If later I'll see that he's not enjoying anymore, I can just let him stop. Anyway, he's just turning 3 this coming August so he can still very well stay at home and I can teach him when I'm back from work. He's a very social kid, though. He enjoyes being around people, both old and young. So I can almost imagine how much he will keep liking school, rather than staying at home alone with yaya, all day, missing Nanay and Tatay.

The week before, I had to miss work just bring him to his first day in school. I was so excited the night before I hardly slept. The next morning, we got up earlier than usual of course, and prepared for school. Only to be disappointed. They postponed the classes and moved the date till the following week. How awful, I was so annoyed deep inside.

This part in italics is a sort of a continuation to this blog. Things got in the way of finishing this. I was hopitalized, the recent storm, no internet connection and electrity...some other things.

Anyway, somehow Gabriel enjoys school but I can't say to the fullest. Nanny says he easily gets bored. Like one time they were asked to draw a circle. He did draw a circle but added legs to the circle saying he's making it into a spider. So I'm kind of playing it by ear, I might just let him stop this coming December and just tutor him here in the comfort of our home. It looks like a traditional school set-up, not really progressive which is of course a lot more expensive, of course. That, hubby and I need to prepare if we want our child to get a kind of education that is worth all the trouble.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LOVE?

2008-05-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

Love is physiologic. Because the body and mind are a unit, bound together via messenger molecules. The blushing, the butterflies in the stomach, the knees turning jelly, are undeniable proof. Primarily, everything is a mental event, and then messages are transmitted though the heart -- believed to be the seat of all emotions.

I believe that love only becomes spiritual when there's a true commitment involved; when one is willing to deny himself for the welfare of someone he loves; when eternity doesn't become scary, but something to be excited about; when reason starts to defy understanding.

Well, this is somewhat complicated. Love per se. That's why we sometimes refuse to admit that we're in love because we always fear the things that we don't understand.

But is love really something to be understood? As for me I tried it so many times -- dissecting it, analyzing it. I didn't end up to be a love expert, though. I only got close to wanting to enter hermitage.

"When you live in your heart, magic happens." I read this somewhere and it instantly brought me to my younger days when falling in love brought me to a fairytale land, and love was a magic want that made everything possible.

I want to live in my heart again. I want to experience love both physiologic and spiritual. I have to work my way back to that fairytale land, work my way back to being a happy person -- thinking less, loving more.

If I cannot do that soon, I might as well order myself a coffin.